Page 56 of Ice, Love, & Other Penalties

Dimly, I’m aware of Ty’s concerned face hovering near mine as he says my name. Mortification wars with bone-deep anxiety inside me—I’m falling apart right in front of him over nothing. The thought makes me lightheaded with embarrassment even as I continue to silently fall to pieces.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Ty says gently. He grasps my shoulders, ducking his head to meet my lowered gaze. “You’re okay. Just breathe with me, nice and slow.”

I shake my head jerkily, gulping air in panicked gasps. But Ty begins taking exaggerated slow breaths, keeping our eyes locked.

“In . . . and out. That’s it, just like that,” he coaches. His strong hands rub comforting circles on my arms. “You’ve got this. Just breathe.”

Rigby leans more heavily against my legs and I focus on synchronizing my frantic respiration to Ty and my dog’s steady pace. Gradually, the crushing weight in my chest eases. My head clears, leaving me exhausted and emotionally drained, but breathing normally.

Ty’s eyes crease with concern, his thumb grazing my cheek soothingly. “Better now?”

I give a small, embarrassed nod. But I don’t pull away, still leaning on him not only for the physical touch but also for emotional support, which I shouldn’t be doing.

Once I’m okay, he glances at Rigby and then at me. “He’s a therapeutic pet, isn’t he?”

I bob my head a couple of times. Ashamed that someone knows that I can’t keep my shit together. That . . . I close my eyes briefly trying to find my strength somewhere within me but it’s gone. I feel defeated and I don’t even know why.

Ty caresses my cheek with infinite tenderness. “Darling, you’re safe with me. I hope you know that. If I had known, I wouldn’t have . . .” His voice trails off regretfully.

“I’m okay,” I rasp desperately, though I’m anything but. “This doesn’t happen often, it’s just when I . . . I can’t handle intimacy, okay? So, you might as well leave. Me and my sisters will take turns with Myra and Teddy will figure out the party.” Mortification makes my words blunt.

He nods a couple of times. “I see. So, when people figure out your weakness you shut them down and it’s game over. That would work for many, but we’re friends and I’m not leaving you like this.”

I inhale a shuddering breath as frustration wars with vulnerability inside me. “You almost said it, you wouldn’t have trusted me with Myra if you had known,” I accuse unevenly, the words tumbling out laced with hurt. Anger and bitter disappointment in myself churns sickly within. I dig my nails into my palms, fighting back hopeless tears.

Ty doesn’t flinch at my outburst. Instead, he catches a lone tear trailing down my cheek with infinite tenderness, the caress undoing me. Wordlessly, he pulls me against his solid chest, enveloping me in his arms. “No, I wasn’t talking about Myra,” he murmurs into my hair. “But because of what happened between us.”

And of course he regrets it. This is exactly why I hook up on my own terms because then no one will be able to reject me, but here I am, being rejected while he’s feeling sorry for me. That’s the worst combination.

His lips graze my cheek in the softest kiss. “Who hurt you, Indie?”

Chapter Thirty-Two

Indigo

His question resonates inside my head. Who hurt you, Indie?

Myself. I don’t want to admit it, but I did it and now . . . I do what my parents taught me, live with the consequences of my actions. It’d be too easy to blame Frederick, but it was me who insisted, who wanted him to love me.

“No one,” I claim, anger at my weakness bubbling up inside me. I try half-heartedly to push him away but I’m not strong enough, though not because he’s forcing the contact. I want to remain here where I feel somehow safe in his embrace.

Ty gently lifts my chin until our gazes lock, his green eyes intense upon mine. “You can talk to me,” he coaxes.

Just then his phone blares loudly from his pocket, shattering the moment. He grimaces, arms tightening around me briefly and reluctantly he withdraws from me to check the caller ID.

“It’s my mother again,” he sighs, tension creeping back into his body. He looks down at me with uncertainty.

“It could be an emergency,” I suggest.

He scoffs, jaw clenching. “Everything is life or death with her—but only when it’s convenient for her selfish drama.” His eyes flash angrily.

I tilt my head, hesitant curiosity getting the best of me. “Why don’t you get along with her?”

Ty drags a hand through his dark hair in agitation. “Because she’s a shitty, toxic person and an even worse mother,” he harshly bit out.

I blink in surprise at his vehemence. Myra seems to love her, I don’t understand why they have opposite reactions about this woman. “Aren’t you exaggerating a little?”

Before he can respond, the phone screams again. With a humorless smirk on his lips, Ty offers it to me. “Wanna see just how shitty she is?” His tone drips with bitter challenge.

---