Page 139 of My Summer Girl

Now, I’m very much aware this is real.

Not only is it real, I’m just letting it happen. Fighting for it if need be, but it’s here, it’s staying, and maybe I can finally allow myself to be happy.

Since we were teens, we’ve had this intensity with each other, but he’s always been my friend first. He’ll always be my friend, my other half, my person, but I’m permitting it to be so much more. I’ve never allowed it to wander into a romantic territory because we’re us and that’s not allowed.

He swore his life to mine. Which means no marriage, babies, or happiness.

His happiness is mine.

His life is mine.

His loyalty is mine.

“Nah, I don’t think I will,” he rumbles, the sound throaty. Has he always sounded this... attractive? I know it’s only been days since we had that moment in the field and he admitted his feelings and I caved into the carnal lust thrumming through my body. But I didn’t think he’d fight. I think the baser part of me believed he’d let it go. Be a dutiful soldier like always and walk away.

My heart beats too quickly, making my breaths come out in pants and the way he continues to grip me as if it’s a comfort for him has me relaxing in his hold. “You see, my best friend is the most stubborn person I’ve met in my life.” His voice is mere growls at this point, and we’re still wandering in the woods where only the stars light our way. In the expanse of trees, not even the massive bonfire can be seen.

“I’m not that bad,” I petulantly argue, wanting to cross my arms to pout.

He scoffs, the sound so indignant and angry. “Let’s see... She doesn’t take care of herself. Doesn’t drink enough water. She thinks she’s above feelings because she rules an entire kingdom.” I can hear the eyeroll invisible to my view attached to his call out. His voice continuously gets deeper, almost like his words are meant to resonate and I can’t do anything but allow it.

“You’re acting like I’m emotionless and dehydrated.”

“You are dehydrated, Verano.” He squeezes my left cheek as if it’s a stress ball. A slap connects with the same one he was just squishing, and I squeal, shaking in his grasp. I’m not a masochist; pain isn’t my pleasure, not unless I’m doling it out anyway. “Ass!”

“You do have a really nice ass,” he mutters, but there’s still that bitter edge attached to it. He’s not amused with me. “One that this entire court seems to admire. It’s not theirs to look at but you know what they don’t do? Stop. They don’t fucking stop watching you, admiring you from afar, wishing they were yours.”

The jealousy laced in every pent-up word isn’t lost on me. It’s angry but it’s sad too. like he feels insecure, and why wouldn’t he? I’ve never told him how much he means to me. Even if I romantically am unsure how long I’ve felt this way.

“They probably get off thinking of what a day between your legs would do,” he rasps, bitterness his only friend in this empty forest.

Only a hundred or more feet north from here is the tree we kissed the first time. When we kissed here that day, he decided to be my guard. We didn’t know what we were doing, but it makes sense why he guides me there now. Comfort. A place he knows.

“Raev,” I say, my voice small and not demanding. Using the name Dulce gave him feels as right as it did the first time I said it. It softens his angry exterior. His massive bulk and hulking figure makes him seem as soft as butter, like he truly is beneath the scary exterior.

“What?” The word is a hiss and I flinch at the tone. He’s never angry; he’s always controlled, always collected. It’s why he’s always been the perfect fit for me. We’re one in the same. He's always here for me, always being what I need, and now, I’ve got to return that favor. “You going to tell me that they don’t watch you? Some have even fucked you.”

The pain in his voice has those emotions building behind my eyes again, pressing against the back like if they don’t spill, they won’t be able to do anything else.

“Se me va el aliento cuando estoy contigo,” he says and the words are lost on me.

“What does that mean?” I whisper, not fighting his possessive grip on me, knowing it won’t help me in the end.

“It means I can’t breathe when I’m with you,” he rasps and then exhales. Stopping in the middle of the forest he lets me down. As soon as my bare feet connect with the ground, I know where we are.

His gaze is hardened but also emotional at the same time. “When you’re near me and I’m not allowed to touch you and kiss you and be with you in all the ways I want, it torments me. Being apart, only receiving scraps... I’m starving for your love.” His head falls backward as he loudly swallows. When our eyes connect again, there’s agony there.

“Knowing you can offer me so much more flattens my lungs, stealing my breath. Estoy herido de amor por ti. Mi corazón late por ti.”

My chest tightens at his words, his voice thick with emotions he doesn’t often offer anyone. I can’t fully grasp the weight of his words, but I can see the devastation etched on his face and that tells me everything I need to know.

“Raev,” I try, and he closes his eyes as if looking at me is torture, stopping me in my tracks.

“I’ve dreamt of being everything for you, mi media naranja. Your mate, your husband, the father of your children. I’ve imagined a life where we were happy, and you could finally allow yourself to be loved. I’ve. Been. Here. This entire fucking time.”

“Will you at least tell me what that means?” I push, wanting all his words, wishing I tried harder to learn his language and learn what makes him Raev.

“You’re not ready to hear it,” he croaks, emotion welling in his eyes in a way that physically hurts me.

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