Page 68 of Dirty Play

Because all I can think about is how much I love Gwen Murphy. And how I can’t wait to love Gwen Williams.

Chapter 27

Gwen

The last twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind and I keep pinching myself to make sure it’s real. I’ve gone through a huge array of emotions but I’m feeling happy and content for the first time in my life. For once, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Things have shifted between Cade and I, changing from something we couldn’t define to something that’s defining itself for us.

It's like the universe decided long ago that Cade’s the one for me, and now it’s just pulling us together, a million invisible strings leading us right here.

Between him and his family, everyone has been so welcoming and supportive. It’s made me understand just how clinical my entire life has been. I’ve known these people for a few days and they’ve asked me more personal questions than my own family has throughout my entire life. They’ve asked me what kind of food I like and don’t like, what kinds of things I do in my spare time. You know… questions you ask someone when you want to learn more about them.

Not like the questions my parents ask me about the hospital and my job, or if I’m ready to come work at their hospital yet.

No, here, with Cade and his family, even with the tension, it’s been eye-opening. They’ve shown me what a loving family looks like, how supportive they are of each other, even when the other person fucks up. It’s somehow both broken and healed me all at once and I don’t ever want to leave.

And after the conversation earlier, I finally feel like I understand Cade so much better. The distance, the grumpiness, the constant pushing away of the people who care about him—it all makes sense. He’s been carrying this weight for years.

Now, I see why he does these things, never letting anyone close. Until me.

Bearing the burden of your sister's death is heavy enough, but feeling unworthy of happiness because you blame yourself is harder to push through. And I wish I could tell him that it wasn’t his fault. I may not have been there, but I understand the medical side. Regardless whether Veronica passed away because of a stroke or due to complications from kidney failure, it wasn't Cade's fault.

He didn’t need to go into a bubble until her surgery. He was a seventeen-year-old boy who had his entire life in front of him. He was scared. He went to do something fun for himself and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not his fault that he got injured and couldn’t have the surgery. It’s also not his fault that his sister got sick right after.

Life is a bitch. There’s no other way around it. We all know we aren’t getting out of here alive, so we might as well enjoy it while we’re still able to. The more I think about it, the more I hope that I get to enjoy it with Cade. With his family.

After Vince left, Cade talked to his family for a while. They were able to clear the air and talk through everything that happened, and honestly, by the end of it, it felt like they understood each other better. It’s like they can see the struggle the other faced and love each other even more for it.

I felt like I was intruding, watching Cade’s parents hug him like it was the first time. It was a cleansing hug, one that washed away everything, leaving a blank canvas to write their future on, and it was beautiful. Kylie came over and took me by surprise when she gave me a hug, telling me that the only reason any of this has happened is because of me. Because I gave her brother strength. She told me that when you’re in love… when you have someone who loves you, it helps you be strong.

But is that what we are? Are we in love?

This is not a thought for right now, though. After everyone talked, Cade went to look for Vince, leaving us waiting, emotions high because none of us knew how that conversation would go. Based on what everyone here is saying, they’re both hot-headed enough that it could end in a fight and with emotions already a mess today, none of us want that.

The only problem is that we have no idea where they went or if they’re even together. And of course, neither of them are answering their phones, leaving us just sitting here… waiting.

“I hate this,” I groan. “Can’t we go look for them?”

“A girl after my own heart,” Shelly says, standing up. “I’m over this sitting thing. I’ll drive.”

She looks over at Kylie and Carson, both sitting there watching us. Carson looks surprised.

“What? I’m not letting these boys do this shit. We’ve wasted too many years—I don’t want to waste even one more day,” she says to her husband.

He just nods, shaking his head with a little smirk. “Okay, hun. Let’s go find them.”

With that, we all pile into their car.

Once we arrived in town, we split up. Carson and Shelly headed in one direction while Kylie and I headed the other way, but so far we’ve had no luck. We’ve been going into restaurants, and we even checked the gym.

“Do they have any favorite places in town?” I ask Kylie, not knowing how to help because I don’t know this town well.

“No, honestly, I don’t know. I know Vince probably went somewhere to cool off and let his anger out, so he could either be somewhere punching a bag or getting drunk.”

“Honestly, Cade could be doing the same. Whenever he gets frustrated, he wants to go for a run or grab a beer.”

We walk past one of their cafés, and I can’t help but notice how cute it is. It’s the kind of place you’d just love to get lost in for a day. I can imagine myself sitting there with Cade, drinking a dirty chai, and eating delicious pastries. I smile at the thought, hoping the next time we come to visit, we can do just that.

“Hey, Kylie.” I hear a voice from behind us say, and we both turn around quickly. It’s not someone I know, but I definitely recognize her for some reason, something I can’t quite place. She’s probably my parents’ age, with blonde hair and a smile that makes her look much younger, and I just know I’ve seen that smile around.

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