Page 63 of Dirty Play

“Move your hand, Cade.”

“Okay,” Cade says, sliding his hand down past the band of my pants and into my panties. He doesn’t hesitate, his fingers immediately finding my clit, which is already swollen and throbbing from watching him watch me. I’m sure if he touched me just right, I’d combust in seconds.

“What are you doing?”

“You told me to move my hand, am I doing it wrong?” he asks, his fingers still working their way inside me, his thumb pressing firmly against my clit.

“Yes, I mean no. Fuck, I don’t know, Cade, we’re in a freaking crowded bar and you’re doing this?”

“Would you prefer me to stop?”

“No… but fuck.”

“We can do that later. But right now? Right now, I’m going to finger fuck you in this crowded bar. Just try to keep your moans down. Don’t want the entire town to know what you sound like when I make you come.”

His fingers start to move in and out at a pace that’s driving me wild. His thumb keeps a firm hold on my clit while his mouth presses kisses down my neck, and I think I’m having an out-of-body experience. The thought that we could get caught at any time, that someone could walk up to us while Cade’s hand is deep inside my cunt, makes this so much hotter—I’m already about to come.

“I’m so cl-close, please don’t stop.”

And he doesn’t. He continues, his mouth attacking my own, smothering my scream as I fall apart against him, riding his fingers on the dance floor.

As I stand there, he slowly slides his fingers out, slipping them into his mouth with a throaty moan that has no business being that hot.

“What the fuck are we doing?” I ask, startling him with my out of the blue question.

“Not running.”

“Should we stop until we figure this out? Before things get too messy?”

“No.”

“Why not?” I whine.

“Because I know I don’t want that,” he says. His eyes are glassy, the normally vibrant color muted as he battles with indecision. I wish I could help him and make this easier, but I can’t. I know this is hard for him, but sometimes knowing the things you don’t want can be enough.

“But you don’t want this. You don’t want a relationship.”

“I—I’ve never wanted this, you’re right about that. But you’re wrong if you think I don’t want you—if you think I don’t want whatever this thing between us is. I want all of you, Gwen, even the parts that drive me crazy. Those are actually my favorite things about you. The way you blow up my phone until I respond, but only because you’re making sure I’ve taken my medicine or seeing if I need anything, it makes me feel wanted. Like I matter. Between that and the random penguin facts you sent me every day I was in the hospital, I’m downright cheerful every time I see your name, even if I hate my damn phone. I can’t explain it, but every time I try to walk away from you, every time I try not to text you the second I wake up, I feel sick to my stomach. Do you know what the only thing that takes away that feeling is?”

“What?” I whisper, not sure if I actually want to know.

“You,” Cade growls, his hands pulling at his long hair, gripping it in frustration. His words stop me in my tracks, my brain trying to make sense of what he’s saying. The urge to both run from and to Cade is overwhelming.

“You’ve made it clear that you?—”

“I know damn well what I’ve said, Gwen. I’ve always been good at walking away, fighting any sort of feelings for anyone, knowing I’m no good for them. But I’m not good at walking away once feelings have taken up residence in my heart, and you’ve made your own fucking home inside my heart, and now, I’m not letting you go. I’m no good at relationships but with you… you make me feel like I can try. Like I want to try.”

Pulling me in, he stares down at me, his big brown eyes filled with so many different things, indecision still among them. But I also see another emotion… one I’m not quite ready to put into words. Something that feels pretty freaking wonderful coming from him.

“I’m going to fuck up a lot of things, that much I can promise. I’m going to be an asshole even when I don’t mean to be. I’m going to say and do all the wrong things, but I want to try. I want to try to make you as happy as I am when we’re together, I want to try to be worthy of your… attention,” he says, and I feel like I could cry. Or like Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out at any second and tell me I’m Punk’d. But then he really knocks the air from my lungs.

“Will you try… with me? Will you be mine?”

“I always have been, Cade. I’ve just been waiting for you to realize it.”

Chapter 25

Cade

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