Page 41 of Dirty Play

What the hell do I do now?

Chapter 16

Cade

Itried to say no. I really did. I actually stood there for a moment, wondering how I could turn down her invitation without undoing all of the progress we’ve made these last few days. But when I racked my brain for any excuse to walk away, I realized I didn’t have a good reason.

Not. A. Single. Damn. One.

All because I didn’t want to turn her down.

Even the fact that I'm hiding a big secret from her isn’t enough for me to put distance between us. It’s hard to hear her talk about Kennedy finally getting her surgery without telling her I’m the donor. She may be excited for Kennedy, but she’s still nervous because it’s a major surgery on someone she cares about. I also know Gwen cares about me, and I don’t want to worry her any more than she already is.

I just want to spend time with her, with other people or alone—it doesn’t matter to me as long as I’m with this girl.

So here we are, sitting on her couch watching The Proposal, popcorn in hand, as I try to convince myself not to reach over and touch her. She’s sitting too close for me not to think about touching her, even if that is against the rules, which is how we got into this mess in the first place. The only problem is I’m not the best at following rules, even if they are my own.

She’s sitting there, doing her best to keep her eyes on the TV, but I’ve noticed her looking in my direction a couple of times when she’s trying to be sneaky, thinking I’m not paying attention.

At least I’m not the only one stealing glances.

It’s hard not to—I'm in awe of this girl. She makes me feel things I'm not used to, and it’s more than just attraction. When I’m with her, I feel peace. My brain is able to relax and settle down. When I close my eyes, I don’t see the racing thoughts—the things I should’ve done differently—or overthink all of the things I screwed up, and it’s quiet.

Whenever she’s around, I feel happy—happier than I have in years—and she makes me feel like I’m worthy of these good feelings, even if they feel so foreign that it’s almost a little scary.

In the last eleven years, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve felt happy.

Three. Three times.

The day I signed with the NY Cyclones.

The day I moved away from Ivy Falls.

The day I kissed Gwen.

But just because she brings me peace doesn’t mean I bring her the same, so I need to keep reminding myself that although we’ve crossed a line, we can go back to just being friends. Right?

We would probably be able to if I wasn’t constantly thinking about the way her lips felt on mine or the way she tasted, like spiced cherries and vanilla, and how her tight little cunt suffocated my cock while I was buried deep inside of her while she screamed my name. Yeah, all of that makes it really fucking difficult to want to just be her friend. Throw in her mention of how she downloaded a dating app, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about claiming her since I walked away from lunch earlier this evening.

The idea that some other man would get to kiss her, taste her, fuck her?

Yeah, no.

Fuck. That.

It makes me damn near feral just thinking about it, which is why my hands practically burn from not touching her as I sit on this couch.

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