Page 71 of Blindside Love

She’s not the one you should be asking.

Addy asked me to braid her hair when I watched her tonight. She looked so sad when I told her no, so I wanted to learn how.

Sawyer

This is a lot to unpack. Come over for dinner this week and I’ll teach you how.

Rex

I’ll teach you how. Sawyer's version of a braid looks like a preschooler trying to draw a straight line.

With their eyes closed.

Sawyer

He’s not wrong. Besides, he is better with his hands.

Thanks guys. I’ll see you then… with more details.

Sawyer

Wise, young grasshopper.

I thought I would be more nervous sitting in a restaurant across from my father with my mother sitting next to him, but honestly, I’m just happy.

I missed them while they were on vacation. It was weird not going over for weekly dinners, so now I’m just excited to see them. I feel like an asshole, though, because after my talk with Liam, I realized how many assumptions I had to make to get to the point that I thought I couldn’t tell my father about this.

Now I just have to rip the Band-Aid off.

“Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?” my father questions, his glass of wine pausing at his lips as he eyes me curiously.

I guess it’s now or never. I have no poker face, so he picked up right away that something was off.

“I… I think I’m going to retire from hockey,” I say, staring down at my plate like it’s my lifeline. I’m afraid to look up and see disappointment in my father’s eyes. Even worse, I’m afraid to find out that we have nothing else in common, and our close relationship will only last if I play hockey.

“Why are you so upset?” my dad asks, causing me to look up at him.

The disappointment and sadness I thought I would see in his eyes aren’t there. Instead, it’s just my dad. No different than when we would talk about hockey, my mom, or his job, he’s always looked at me the same way.

It’s love.

How could I ever question him? How could I ever convince myself that he would be anything but supportive? I feel like I’ve betrayed my dad by holding this a secret for so long.

I shake my head, disgusted with myself. “I thought you’d be upset. Disappointed in me. I… I had myself convinced that hockey was the only thing connecting us, and you’d be mad at me if I quit.”

My dad’s face falls, and I feel my heart start to crack. I hate how defeated he looks, and even worse, I hate that I caused it.

“Trevor, son. I could never, and I mean never, be disappointed in you for doing what’s best for you. Regardless of the reason, you’re allowed to make choices for you. Follow your heart, son. If your time on the ice is done, then you had a helluva run and went down like an absolute legend. But hockey doesn’t define you.”

Hearing him say that should make me feel better, but honestly, it makes me feel worse because everything he’s saying makes sense. It’s exactly what I should expect him to say because he’s never shown me anything different.

I let my own insecurities of leaving the game get in the way of talking to my dad about a big life choice, and that sucks, to put it plainly.

“I know that,” I say solemnly.

“Then why didn’t you talk to me?” he asks. He’s not mad, not at all, but I can see the underlying hurt in his eyes, and it just kills me.

“I wish I could understand it myself. I convinced myself that without hockey, I was nobody. That without hockey, no one would want to be friends with me and that our relationship would suffer because we didn’t have hockey to bond over. I know it’s ridiculous. Rex told me I was an idiot. Liam told me the same thing. But it was Ellie who reminded me that parents only ever want their kids happy. That’s when I realized I’d been an idiot and that I just needed to tell you. Unfortunately, you were on a damn cruise.”

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