Page 80 of Blindside Love

Apparently, it’s my fault that his father is starting to question his character and asking questions about how he was as a father and husband. Tom’s dad has always said that how he is as a partner in life shows how he will be as a partner for the firm. This does not bode well for him.

So now, instead of facing it head-on and accepting responsibility for his actions, he’s trying to take further control of my life and get custody of Addy by ruining Trevor’s reputation, as well as further ruining mine. It’s more upsetting that he wants to hurt Trevor, someone who hasn’t done anything to him, a man who has kept his reputation clear his entire life, working hard to be honest and positive, and now Tom wants to ruin that.

The envelope is filled with printed text messages between Tom and me, but they completely warp the situation. Instead of him looking like the lying cheater he is, he looks like the scorned one. He looks like the one brokenhearted from my cheating with Trevor. He looks like the one who was fighting for our marriage, fighting to get me to pay attention to our daughter.

It’s all lies, it’s obvious, but it’s just enough to hurt Trevor’s reputation. Taint something that’s never been tarnished before, right when he’s letting go of hockey and trying to find a new place in this world. Tom knows exactly what he’s doing, spinning everything on me to make it look like he was the one that got hurt, that Trevor came in and stole me from him. Even worse, though, it makes it look like Trevor has been pushing me to spend less and less time with my daughter, which couldn’t be further from the truth, but it will definitely impact custody.

I’m not sure if I’m more upset that Tom is trying to make me look like a bad mom or pissed that he’s actually this much of a piece of shit to try to ruin our lives just because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s threatening the reputation, livelihood, and integrity of the one man who came into my life and hasn’t hurt me. I can’t let Tom ruin Trevor’s reputation or his career; it’s not fair, but I know Tom, and I know he’s serious about releasing this.

The only thing I know is that I’m going to fix this, but won’t let this hurt Trevor. So, when I look up at him, see him looking through everything on the counter, and see the sadness in his eyes, I know what I have to do.

I should’ve cleaned up my mess before I got involved with him, and that’s on me.

He’s far too sweet, too loyal to leave to protect himself. I’ll break my own heart if it means I’m protecting him. I have to play the bad guy, the villain in my own story, because I let this situation go on with Tom for far too long. It’s time to end it, because I won’t let anyone else get hurt.

“Ellie—” he starts, but I can’t listen. I can’t hear him try to make me feel better about this when I can see the fear in his eyes. He knows what bad PR like this can do to someone.

“I’m sorry,” I start, his face falling like he can read my mind. “You should’ve never gotten involved in this mess. I should’ve waited until the smoke had cleared before involving you in my life. I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Ellie. You’re not the one doing this.”

“You’re right, I’m not. But it’s my fault he’s including you in this. It’s my fault he’s trying to spin everything to make us look bad. It’s one thing if he fucks with my reputation, he’s already tried that. I mean, at least now I have my father on my side. But I won’t let him use you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that if you’re not in the picture, he has no leverage. No ammo. He can’t destroy our reputation if we’re not together. He can’t destroy yours. I won’t let that happen.”

If I thought he looked hurt before, I was wrong. His eyes fall, immediately watering as he bites his cheek. I hate the hurt and the despair I see in his eyes. Even worse though, is the emptiness. It’s the look he had the first day I met him in the elevator. I stared at him, unable to move because that emptiness called to me. It resembled the emptiness inside of me.

But knowing I’m the reason that look has returned is almost enough to make me take it back… almost. But I refuse to be selfish when it comes to his heart because he’s the one who stitched mine back together.

“You realize you’re letting him win, right? That you’re letting him control your life again. You’re stronger than that, Ellie. We’re stronger than that.”

I feel my tears immediately start to fall at his words. I know he’s right, but I can’t let him get hurt. Tom is ruthless. He only cares about himself, and I know he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.

“I’m sorry you think that. For months, I’ve had someone telling me to believe in myself and that I’m capable of hard things. Now, I’m trying to prove it to myself. Prove that I can go up against Tom and win, and not let the man I love get hurt in the process. You knew I was damaged goods when you met me; you just put me back together in a pretty way.”

I grab all the papers, shoving them into the manilla folder, tears streaming down my face as I know I have to walk away, walk away from this man who wants to fight with me, fight for me, next to me.

But I can’t. Not until I can fight for myself.

I need to show myself I’m strong. That I can protect those around me, and that means doing it on my own.

“Goodbye, Trevor. Thank you for loving me, showing me my worth, and teaching me how to fight for myself.” I walk over to him, pressing a kiss on his face as he stares at me in disbelief. “I’ll never know how to thank you for that.”

As I walk away, I feel his stare on me. I hold my breath, doing everything I can to not turn around. It isn’t until I’m opening the door and stepping out that he says, “Don’t go.”

I feel my heart crumble, my legs feel weak, but I run to my apartment, the one that doesn’t feel like home anymore. Slamming the door, I fall to the ground, letting the tears fall as the reality of what I did slams into me, knowing damn well I just walked out on the only good thing to ever happen to me.

Chapter 28

Trevor

Ithought I knew what pain was.

I thought breaking my leg in high school snowboarding was painful, but it wasn’t.

I thought taking a stick to the face and needing more stitches than I could count was painful, but it wasn’t.

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