Page 93 of Power Play

Four years. That’s how long we’ve been in this relationship, and she just threw it all down the drain, and for what? I don’t even recognize who I am anymore.

Everything lately has been done for Holly; we’re always going out with her friends and only ever doing what she wants to do. I even distanced myself from my family because she didn’t want us to spend so much time with them. Worse, I gave up my dream of starting my own tech company and shut down my cyber security business because she thought it would take too long to be financially successful and wanted me to have “a safe source of money,” which is how I ended up working for my father and will eventually help open a new branch in Chicago.

I’ve loved New York, but I’m always the happiest when I’m near Chicago, whether it’s the city or our family farmhouse. That’s my happy place. Holly always wanted to visit the farmhouse because she would hear Amelia, my sister, talk about it. Somehow, I always found excuses to not bring her.

In reality, I think I knew that I didn’t want her to taint the place that made me so happy.

But what was the point? Luckily, I work with my family, so I get to see them. But I changed so much of my life just to make her happy, and now I’m alone while she’s off doing whatever she wants with her latest victim.

The worst part is the only thing I really wanted was someone to share my life with. Someone I could discuss successes and failures with and, at the end of the day, support each other and have each other’s back.

I guess my mistake was thinking that person was Holly when all she really wanted was a puppet to get her where she wanted to go in life.

Seems I’m stuck with the bachelor life now, because I’ll be damned if I ever make the slip-up and open my heart up to someone again.

Instead, I’ll just get lost in someone for a night and move on.

Love was a mistake, and it’s one I’m not willing to open myself up to again.

Chapter One, Vanessa

“I can’t do this,” I say into the phone as I’m rushing onto the subway. Luckily, there’s a seat right by the door, and I sit down right as the doors close.

“Does this mean that they offered you the job?!?” Blaire squeals into the phone.

“Yes, everything got messed up though. We couldn’t have an in-person interview because their plane was delayed, so it ended up just being over the phone. Plus, instead of having a little time to prepare, I told them I had already quit my other job, so they asked if I could report on Monday. I guess the cyber-attacks have been more frequent.”

“I’m not understanding what the issue is then. It’s great that you got the job!”

“Yes, I just wish I could have been able to do an interview. That way, I would feel like they hired me for me. Now I just feel like they hired me because of my references, which unfortunately had to include someone from my father's company, which makes me not want to take this job. I don’t want to get a job because of him after what he did to me”.

Although we don’t speak about him much, Blaire knows that my father helped me get started in this industry and that he was also the reason I nearly left the industry. Things between my father and I are . . . complicated, to say the least.

“You don’t really have a choice now, do you? This is your dream job, what you’ve been waiting for. Who cares if he somehow had a hand in you getting the position? He has nothing to do with it now, so now is the time to prove it to yourself,” my best friend says into the phone.

I know that she’s right. I mean, I have been dreaming of this job ever since I can remember, but a job at Maxwell Investments is a big deal, and I’ll be working directly with the CEO of the company to help change their security over to their newer branch here in Chicago.

“I know, but that doesn’t make this reality any less scary. I wish I had gotten to meet them in person. Why do I have this irrational fear that I’m going to walk in on Monday and it’s all going to be a big joke and my father will be there laughing. I just feel like if that’s why they are hiring me, then they should know the whole story, or maybe they do know the whole story and that’s why they’re hir—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop. We are not going down that path. It’s Friday night. You don’t start until Monday morning. We can sit here and overanalyze everything until we’re blue in the face, or we can go out and celebrate and get you laid,” Blaire laughs.

“Blaire, just because your job has loved you from day one, does not mean it’s going to be that easy for all of us. You love your job; you were born to be a model. Ugh. I’m going home and going to bed. I will not be discussing my sex life with you,” I whisper, looking around, realizing I’m still on the subway.

Thankfully, no one is paying attention to me. The lady next to me has her nose in a book, and the guy next to her has his headphones in and is watching Rick and Morty loud enough for me to hear. Pretty sure neither of them have even noticed I’m here.

“Ness, sorry, but discussing your sex life would mean that you have a sex life. And, before you try to convince me that sex with yourself counts, it doesn’t. Sorry, but we need to get someone else in charge of your orgasms for once.”

“Oh my god. You are the worst,” I whisper into my phone like that’ll stop everyone from hearing her.

“We’re going out and finding you a man. Not someone you’ll have to talk to tomorrow, just someone who seems like they might be able to give you an orgasm or two. If nothing else, this will at least help take your mind off of everything with the new job for a little while.”

She’s right. On all accounts. And that’s the worst part. I’m able to admit that it has been a little while for me. Three years to be exact. That’s what happens when someone you’re supposed to be able to trust takes advantage of you. It’s easy to forget who you are, and sometimes you end up single and lost.

It's been even longer since I’ve been in an actual relationship, everything that happened has just made it so hard for me to trust anyone.

Days turned into weeks, months, and then they began turning into years. Trust is something that is hard to give back to anyone once it has been destroyed. Which is why it’s been so long since I’ve had sex. I’ve only had two one-night stands ever, and they were hard for me. I’ve always wanted a connection with someone, and it felt unreal to think I could have a connection with someone that quick, even just for sex.

But maybe she’s right . . . maybe it’s time to go have some fun, even if it’s just drinks. And if sex happens, great. Maybe even an orgasm? Even better.

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