Page 48 of Power Play

“But that still means you’re doing everything by yourself!” she exclaims.

“What about you? I don’t see you dating or out to bars trying to find someone to go home with. Why is it just me?” I question.

“I... it’s different, Sawyer,” Cassie says quietly. “I don’t date, but that doesn’t exactly mean I’m against it. I’m just not seeking it out.”

Cassie is making excuses, and I feel like she’s not being entirely honest with me or herself. And unfortunately, that’s an issue for another day.

“Cassie, I’m sorry. Let’s make time to go out this weekend. I need to leave in, like, five minutes if I want to make it to class on time,” I say as I continue getting ready.

“Okay, please just think about what I said. I don’t want you to miss out on things because you’re too closed off to see it until it’s too late. Rex seemed different, plus he had that daddy vibe that makes girls go wild over.” She smirks.

She gives me a quick wink before slipping out of my room and heads towards the kitchen. Hopefully, she’s making coffee so I can sneak a cup on my way out. What are annoying best friend roommates for if not for their coffee-making abilities?

I spend the rest of the day unable to stop thinking about what she said. I can admit to myself that I did enjoy spending time with Rex. It was always exciting thinking about getting to see the grumpy asshole because he was usually just grumpy to everyone else, not me.

I push that thought away because if it actually meant something to him, then he would have been a hell of a lot nicer to me than he was.

When I get to daycare, I’m happy the kids are all here today, hopefully they can keep my mind from thinking of him, even if his daughter immediately attaches herself to my side the second she sees me. We spend the next couple of hours doing art projects, having tea parties, and, of course, dress up parties.

“Ms. Daniels! Do we get to do ballet today? My grandma took me to get a pretty purple skirt, just like yours!” Rory all but squeals with excitement.

“Yes, sweet girl. We get to do ballet tonight.” I smile. “I can’t wait to see your pretty purple skirt. I bet it’s beautiful.”

“It is! I love it! Can we change now?!”

“It’s not quite time, but soon!”

“Okayyyy,” Rory almost whines, but walks back to the kitchen set where the rest of the kids are playing and immediately joins them with a smile.

It’s so crazy to me how resilient kids are. They take disappointment in stride, usually not letting it impact their day. I wish adults were more like that, more importantly, I wish I was more like that. Instead, here I am, still thinking about Rex as I clean up the project we did earlier.

This is why I don’t do hookups and have been just fine being the sole provider of my own pleasure. Well, me and my battery-operated friends—we can all use a little help sometimes. But when you involve other people, feelings get involved, even when you promised yourself they wouldn’t. I don’t do feelings. Don’t like them, especially since they usually end with me getting hurt.

I have to stop thinking about him and what happened. It’s done and I just need to move on.

As the workday comes to an end, Parents start to arrive to pick up their kids, leaving just Rory and another girl named Bailey for class tonight. They get changed into their leotards and come out when they need help with their ballet shoes before we jump into class.

“What do you think, Ms. Daniels? Do you like my skirt? It’s purple! Just like yours!” Rory says excitedly.

“Yes, Rory! It’s so pretty, and today we match. Bailey, your skirt is so pretty too, it’s pink and purple, just like ours.”

“Yes! So pretty!” Rory says.

Bailey just giggles excitedly.

I love teaching little kids’ ballet. It feels like I’m passing a bit of my soul on to them by teaching them something I love so much. I haven’t actually danced since I was injured when I was sixteen. After I healed from my injury, I was so upset about my dreams dying that I couldn’t imagine ever getting on stage again. Since then, I no longer think about performing, but I’m still terrified of dancing and re-injuring myself. I think deep down, I’m also terrified that I won’t be able to dance like I used to, and having it taken away from me permanently might be too much to bear.

I guess I’ve just been too afraid to find out, so I stopped doing it all together, even though I miss it like crazy.

“Auntie Lala!!” I hear Rory yell while I’m changing the music.

“Hi, Rory!” Stella yells back.

“I missed you so much!” Rory exclaims.

“You just saw me! You can’t miss me that fast!”

“Yes, I can! My daddy is stinky, I like smelling pretty like you,” Rory tells her, her cute little nose scrunched up.

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