Page 86 of Unholy Vows (Original Sin)

Not anymore, however. My husband didn’t allow me space to run away or hide from him. He didn’t even let me hold on to my precious sense of control that helped me keep my head clear. He was a whirlwind that I had no choice but to surrender to.

And I was dangerously close to becoming addicted.

Renato sauntered into the chapel and sat next to me on the creaking pew. “My father never came here. Not enough people around to demonstrate his faith to. He had another place in the city. There was a fire there. We don’t use it anymore. For him, faith, like love and loyalty, was a performative act. If no one was watching, did it even matter? Not to him.”

Inspired by his openness, I reciprocated. “My Da loved to go to the local Catholic church in our neighborhood. We had so many friends then. Everyone loved him. He was a character, you know? Larger than life. We were so poor, but we never really knew it, not until he was gone. He could make being hungry a game somehow. He always knew what to do, and I never have,” I trailed off, feeling suddenly awkward about how much I’d shared.

“You do just fine. Your sister isn’t an easy person.”

I bristled. “You don’t know her. She’s not looking for trouble. She’s a good girl, the best one, she just fell in love with the wrong guy. Love can do that…not that I’d expect you to know that.”

I sensed Renato’s eyes swing to me. “Meaning?”

“Meaning…I haven’t seen anyone else get close to you, and you married me, a perfect stranger.”

“Have you?” he interrupted.

“Have I what?”

“Ever been in love?”

No. Never even close.

“I love my sister.” It was a pure statement of fact.

Renato nodded and then raised an eyebrow. “Sure you do, but that’s not what I asked.”

“If you’re talking about romantic love, then sure, maybe, here or there.”

“Maybe, here or there?” Renato repeated, sounding amused. “It seems like you don’t know any more about it than I do.”

I shrugged, and his expression tugged a reluctant grin to my face.

“Why do you seem happy about that?” I demanded. I didn’t want to argue with him, because, after all, he was right. I’d never been in love with any of the men I’d dated. It felt too pathetic to confirm his words, so instead, I played with the rosary. “You know, when we were really little, my Da used to tell us to grab a rosary bead and make a wish.”

“That’s not how rosary beads work,” Renato started.

I rolled my eyes. “I know. I’m just saying. He wanted to make all of our wildest dreams come true, and he didn’t achieve any of it. Instead, we were alone.” I broke off.

“What was your wish?” Renato asked, relaxing back and sliding his arm along the pew behind me.

“I can’t tell you that, obviously. Then it won’t come true,” I pointed out.

He grinned at me. “My sister – you’ll meet her one day – she always wanted to be an artist. I never wanted anything like that. My dreams weren’t a profession or possession. I wished I could make her feel safe. I wished I could have saved my mother. I wished I could be the person the people I loved, trusted.”

I turned a shocked face to Renato. That had been raw, startling honesty, and I wasn’t sure why he’d decided to share with me.

He pushed a hand through his thick waves. “Force of habit. Confessing in church.”

“I wished I’d never be alone again,” I blurted, inspired by his honesty. It felt too imbalanced not to reciprocate. “I wished that someone in the world would choose me, not because they had to, like Lucy, but because they wanted to. I wished I’d be enough for someone.”

Renato’s eyes, fine like aged whiskey, met mine. He raised a rakish eyebrow at me. “I find it very hard to believe that no one has tried to choose you over the years. I find it hard to believe you felt like you needed anyone to. You’re a very capable woman.”

My cheeks warmed at the compliment, and I gave a halfhearted shrug to hide my embarrassment. “Well, the scars from being picked last in gym are deep and everlasting, every shrink knows that.”

Renato chuckled and gave me an appraising look. “You don’t know how to take a compliment, do you,bambina?”

I took a deep breath and tried to steady my pounding heart. My depressing conversation with Lucy the morning before returned to me. I should stick to safer ground around Renato, or I’d risk losing my head completely. “Lucy is worried that she’s going to be a prisoner forever. That you’ll marry her off to some made man and get rid of her. She’s worried that her life is over before it’s even really begun.”

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