Page 40 of That Kiss

“She’s not my fiancée. We aren’t back together.”

“Fine, whatever. You’re dating her, aren’t you? You’re on a date, so it feels like a really weird time to have a talk with me.”

“It’s not a date.” I stare back at him with the most uninterested and annoyed look I can muster.

“Did the girls know? Is that why they dragged me all the way out here, so that I’d run into you?”

“What? No, I didn’t tell anyone I was coming here tonight. It was actually a last-minute decision.”

I have no interest in doing this right now. Or at all. I shake my head and push past him.

“Can you just . . . are you okay?” He stops me again.

“I’m not doing this.”

“I know—I know you, Juney. I know you’re hurting, and I’m hurting too.” I stop, my heart threatening to rip itself from my chest as I blink back tears. “Please, just talk to me.”

I turn around and look at him. “About what, Decker? You made your decision. I don’t resent you for giving it another shot with her, but you can’t do whatever this is.” I motion between us. “We had our fun, but it’s over. Move on.” Then I take in a shaky breath, getting myself together before stepping back out into the room to join my friends.

I don’t tell them about seeing Decker. I don’t even look around the room to try to find him again . . . at least not until I see him stand up in the far corner and walk through the room with her at his side. The girls have their backs to him, lost in a fit of giggles over another round of martinis.

He glances up at me, his eyes catching mine for the slightest second before looking away. Just as they’re about to be out of my eyeline, Camilla turns her head and looks directly at me. She offers a slight smile before dipping her head and exiting the restaurant.

Does she know who I am? Has he talked to her about me?

I try to rejoin the girls’ conversation, laughing and adding a comment or two, but my head is a million miles away. I run my finger around the rim of my glass, my eyes glazing over.

Of course he has. He must have told her that the real reason he needed time to figure out where his head was at and sort out his feelings was because he needed time to get over me . . . to get over those few weeks where I thought I finally had it all.

Chapter 17

Decker

“Are you in love with her?” Camilla’s soft voice breaks through the silence.

The ride home felt like hours. She tried to fill the time with questions about the ranch and Colorado. Dinner was no different. It was like pulling teeth to get me to engage in any amount of real dialogue.

“I don’t know.” I stare out over the field behind my house, the darkness intensified by the clouds covering the moon.

“But you’re not in love with me anymore, are you?”

I turn slowly to look at her leaning against the doorway. Her hair is in a long braid over one shoulder, a thick sweater wrapped around her pajamas that she changed into after we got back. I don’t answer and she steps through the doorway, taking a seat in one of the chairs next to me.

“I tried, Camilla.”

“No, you didn’t.” She says it with a smile—a knowing one. “You can’t try, because you don’t want to.”

The shame and guilt that have been intensifying wash over me as I sink down into the chair next to her. For the last 10 days, I have barely been home. I’ve worked the longest days of my life—gone before sunrise and home long after sunset. The one time I did take Camilla to dinner, I drove to another town so nobody would see us, and ended up face-to-face with the one person I’ve been trying to avoid.

“I’m so sorry. I’m a mess with all of this, and I’ve handled it all so wrong.” I run my hands through my hair. “I don’t say this to sound like an asshole, but I shouldn’t have let you stay. I should have told you the second I saw you on my porch that what we had is gone—that there’s no chance—but I felt . . . guilty? Bad? Like I owed it to you to give us a second chance.”

“You don’t owe me a second chance, Decker.” She pulls her sweater around her shoulders tighter, her eyes filling with sadness. “I won’t lie and pretend like I wasn’t hoping for another outcome. I wouldn’t have come up here otherwise, but seeing you like this . . . it’s not what I want.”

“I don’t deserve this grace, Camilla. I hid you from my family. From everyone. Not just now, but from the beginning. That’s why I haven’t introduced you to anyone, not even my twin.” I raise my voice slightly, the weight of it all crashing down on me. “I drove you to a restaurant an hour away so I wouldn’t run into anyone I know. Why would anyone even want another chance with someone like me?”

She stares up at me, unblinking, for several seconds. “You never told them about me? About us?” I shake my head at her. “Why?” The pain in her eyes is palpable now.

“There’s nothing I can say to explain and make it better.”

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