Page 38 of That Kiss

“Yeah, it’s all just a lot, ya know? She just showed up and I think I’m still trying to process that she really is here. She never reached out once since things ended and then?—”

“Look,” she jumps down from the bed of the truck, “we both know why you came over to tell me this, and I appreciate that you’re letting me down easy.”

“No, that?—”

“Please,” she holds up her hand, “just let me finish my little speech. I know that what you had with Camilla has to have been something undeniably special for you to take that kind of leap. That says a lot to me, and I’m not going to cause any issues or stand in the way of something like that while you try to sort out your feelings and thoughts. So while I appreciate the easy letdown, I’m a big girl. I can take it.”

She reaches her hand out and places it on my knee, giving me an earnest smile. But instead of it making me feel better, it makes me want to scream.

“I hadn’t made any decisions; that’s actually why I came over here. I felt like you not only deserved an explanation as to why I just disappeared like that, but as someone I’ve recently slept with on more than one occasion, you also deserved to know that my ex is sleeping in my home.” I can hear the frustration in my tone, so I know she can. “I meant what I said when I told Camilla I needed time to figure my shit out—what I’m thinking and how I feel. I’m still processing all of it. But more importantly, I wanted to talk to you about it and see where your head’s at.”

“Okay, I understand and I appreciate it, I do. Whether you and Camilla decide to get back together or not, I’m just saying I’m not going to stand in the way of that because of a long-standing crush and a few hookups. I understand that we were having fun. It was good—great, actually—but again, Deck, I’m not naive.” This time she laughs for real. “No hard feelings, I promise.”

I stand up from the truck bed and fold the blanket, handing it back to her. “Thanks for being understanding about me being a dick yesterday, and for all of this.” I practically mutter the words, the confusion about what she and I were doing and how she sees it now turning into anger. “And I guess for hooking up with me. Glad it was a fun time for you.” I slam the truck bed and walk around to my door.

“Deck, wait,” she follows me around the truck, “I’m sorry if I upset you. I thought that’s what we were doing, just—wasn’t it?”

“Why does it matter what I think? Like you said, that’s all it was to you.” I pull open my truck door and put my foot on the floorboard to climb inside when I hear her huff.

“And that just reiterates what I said earlier about knowing what I was getting myself into. You made your bed with your reputation, Decker, and now you don’t want to lie in it. What’s a girl supposed to think when you bring her home twice but won’t even offer to take her on a date?”

I keep my back to her, trying to think of something—anything—I can say to make this better, but she’s right. I made my bed. Why the fuck would she think she’s different from any other woman I’ve been with when I treated her the same as them? Finally, I turn around to tell her I’m sorry and that she’s right, but she just rolls her eyes and turns on her heel.

“Whatever,” she mutters, shaking her head as she walks back toward her house.

Chapter 16

Juniper

Iexpected to fall to the floor behind my closed door in a pile of sobs, but I don’t. I feel nothing when I walk back inside—nothing but . . . relief.

In the few short months since this whole thing started with us, I’ve been holding my breath. Waiting. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it finally did.

Maybe I’m in shock, I tell myself as I walk upstairs to take a shower. I know that while it’s fresh and I’m still angry, it’s easy to be emotionless at this stage. But maybe in a few days, or tomorrow, it will hit me at the worst time and I’ll break down.

I reach into the shower to turn on the water when I hear the sound of a car door slamming. I remove my hand from the nozzle.

Did he come back?

My heart skips a beat at the thought of him returning to tell me I’m wrong—that what we did meant so much more to him. I walk over to the window and peer out just as my mom walks around their camper, coming into view. I run downstairs the moment they walk through the back door.

“Surprise . . . we’re home early!” my dad shouts with open arms, a Grand Canyon hat perched atop his head and a Yellowstone T-shirt stretched over his belly. The second I’m in his arms, I fall apart.

“Oh, sweetie, what’s going on?” My dad tries to pull me back, but I tighten my hug around him. “Is everything okay?” I nod into his neck, my tears wetting the collar of his shirt. “We missed you too, baby girl.”

I didn’t expect to lose it this quickly. I wipe away the tears, laughing around them as my mom pulls me into a hug.

“I’m okay, I’m sorry. I just . . .” I shake my head, my chin quivering, “I’ve just been overwhelmed with the garage and I didn’t realize how much I needed you around.” I burst into tears again, which are clearly exasperated by the recent addition of the situation between Decker and me.

“Oh, baby girl, I told your father we shouldn’t have taken off for three months like this; that’s why I talked him into coming back.” My mom wraps her arm around me and looks at my dad. “I told you it was too much, Ron.”

“It wasn’t, honestly. I think I’m stressed, and seeing you guys just unexpectedly brought out my emotions is all. Let me make some decaf. I want to hear all about your travels.”

This is exactly what I needed after my conversation with Decker. My parents have story after story and picture after picture of the places they visited and the friends they made along the way. My parents have always been joyful people, but seeing them like this—happy, in their element—makes me realize that this is the kind of love I want. This is the kind of love I deserve.

We laugh and talk for hours until we’re all taking turns, yawning around the table as our eyes grow heavy.

After we finally say good night and I take a shower and crawl into bed, I can feel my mind being pulled back to Decker. I see his smile from earlier, but his eyes look sad. What I didn’t tell him was that it took everything in me to hold back from begging him to choose me. But I can’t be the one to sit back and wait on the sidelines for him to choose.

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