Page 11 of Father of the Wolf

“Hope, will you go pick up lunch?” Steve asked her in a chipper, optimistic voice.

“I thought Julie was going to get it today.”

“She’s helping with the kittens. Will you please go?” His voice had a slight begging quality, and she realized that he wanted to take advantage of the private time with Julie.

“Yeah. I’ll go.” She could hobble that far, and the stretch might even help her feel better.

“Thanks, Hope. You’re the best! Julie is so excited about feeding the kitties.” He pulled his car keys from his pocket and tossed them to her.

“Wait! Where was lunch ordered?” She had figured she could walk to pick it up, but if he wanted her to drive, it must be further away.

“Frank’s Deli.”

A place all the way across town.

“Come on, Hope. It’s really not that far. There’s only one turn the whole way. You can do it. Look, the day’s beautiful. You can practice the steps we’ve worked on. Please, do it for me.”

Julie stepped around the corner carrying one of the newborn kittens in a feeding towel. “Steve, did you get the formula?”

“Just a second. I need to heat it up.” Steve said this to Julie and turned back to Hope with a sappy smile stretched across his starry-eyed face.

“Fine. I’ll go. But you’d better ask her out this time.” Hope grabbed her purse and went to Steve’s car. She stopped beside it and sucked in a deep, fortifying breath. Steve was right. The day was nice and there was no reason she couldn’t be the one to go get lunch. Frank’s Deli was easy to get to and only a few minutes away. She could do this.

Steve was positive she could overcome her fear of driving. In the last six months, he’d been pushing her to try harder. His newest program was to break the act of driving into small easy steps.

Step one: Get into the car. Although this at first seemed simple, Hope still hesitated to open the driver’s door. But only for a moment. Then she sat down on the seat, closed the door, and buckled her safety belt. She sighed in satisfaction. She was inside the car. She had finished step one.

Step two: Start the car. Hope inserted the key in the ignition. Maybe the car wouldn’t start. Maybe she would have to ask Julie to get lunch after all. Hope turned the key, and the engine fired to life. Steve’s car was only a couple of years old. He kept it in perfect running condition, even changing the oil on schedule. So of course it would start with no problem.

Step three: Go. Steve always said, don’t think about it. Just put the car in gear and go.

Hope didn’t think. She backed out of the parking space, turned onto the street, and slowly drove the four blocks to Frank’s Deli. She pulled into Frank’s lot, parked, and turned off the car.

She’d done it! She had driven on this simple errand. She bounced from the car in her excitement, and then had to go back for her forgotten purse. Their order was ready and waiting. She paid for it and was soon on her way back to the car, still smiling.

Steve’s plan of using small steps actually worked. Hope chuckled as she thought, step one, get into the car. She sat inside it enjoying that small triumph. The feeling was liberating. She felt independent and whole and for once, not scared. She knew Steve would be proud of her success in this personal triumph. She could only imagine the look on his face when she came back with lunch. She’d use his steps to get back. If they worked once, they’d work again.

She buckled her seatbelt and turned the key. And for the first time in her adult life, Hope was glad to hear the sound of the engine coming to life. She put the car in reverse and began backing out of the space.

Squealing brakes and a honking horn had her stomping the brakes. Rationally, she knew the other car had plenty of room to pass and that the driver was a jerk. But she shut down physically as her memories took over. Her body simply locked up. Her eyes closed and she sat there shaking, sweating, and totally lost in all her old terrors. She relived the car wreck, felt again the pain, loss, and guilt. The self-pity.

A tap sounded against the window. She looked up to see Steve standing there. How had he gotten to the deli? How had he known?

He opened the door. “Move over Hope. I’ll drive us back.”

She started to move, and the car jerked. It was still in reverse. Steve reached over and put it in park, giving her time to slide to the passenger side.

“You did good to get here.” He sat down next to her but made no move to drive back just yet. “I’m proud of you for getting this far.”

“How did you know?”

“I called Frank to check. He said you were sitting here not moving. I thought you might need me.” He wrapped his arm around Hope and hugged her in a tight, brotherly hug.

She stayed in his embrace for just long enough to get her bearings back then pulled away. “Thank you.” She huddled into the passenger seat, clutched at the seatbelt, and tried not to think about how she had failed again.

Chapter Five

Remembering Reality

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