Page 55 of Walk Off

“Language,” Ruby said to him, tipping her head and indicating toward Jasmine. “And birthing goggles are like beer goggles or graduation goggles. You know when you think someone is hot because you’ve had too much to drink or when you remember high school fondly because you’re graduating. It’s not real, just an illusion.”

“You wore goggles when I was born?” Jasmine asked. “Like the ones I wear when I swim?”

Celia laughed. “No, sweetie, Aunt Ruby is just being silly.” She looked back up to Kyle. “It really wasn’t that bad.”

“Says the woman who begged for an epidural as soon as we got to the hospital.” Ruby was not letting this go.

“Fine, yes, I was in pain but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Pain is part of childbirth.”

“Did you get the epidural?” Kyle asked.

“I did and after that, I was pain-free.”

She watched as he stopped on a picture of Jasmine at the hospital. “How much did she weigh?”

“Seven pounds, six ounces and she was twenty-one inches long,” she proudly stated.

“Is that good?”

His question made her realize that he probably had no clue what a small or large baby was. “She was long, obviously getting her height from you.” She pointed to Jasmine who was already pretty tall for a seven-year-old. “And her weight was a little above average. Tall and thin as you can see from the pictures.”

“No problems?” he asked.

“None at all. She liked to be awake at night those first few weeks, but Ruby and I took turns, and soon we got her on a schedule that made it easier on us.”

“Mom says I was a night owl.” Jasmine gave him a toothy grin.

He flipped through the iPad silently, looking through more photos as Celia looked on. She felt the need to speak so she started telling stories about when Jasmine was little. “She loved baths and could spend hours in there. I used to give her two a day just because she enjoyed them so much.”

He listened but didn’t say a word. “She rolled over the first time when she was thirteen weeks old.” Figuring he didn’t know when that or a lot of things were supposed to happen, she gave him more info. “The normal timeframe for a baby to roll over is between twelve and sixteen weeks old. She sat at six months, which again, is when it’s normal for babies.”

“Remember that day,” Ruby asked. “We were both sitting on the floor with her and she was leaning against me. I got up to go to the bathroom, not thinking anything about it and she continued to sit on her own.”

Celia remembered it like it was yesterday. “She just continued to play like it was no big deal.”

She’d thought these stories would make Kyle happy, but his face didn’t show happiness. He looked sad, almost miserable. She looked at her sister, hoping she saw her plead for help in her eyes.

Ruby cleared her throat. “Hey, Jazz, why don’t you come show Dallas the soccer skills you’ve been working on.”

Celia watched as the three of them exited the room, leaving her alone with Kyle. “I’m sorry this is making you sad. I thought you wanted to know these things.”

He kept his gaze on the iPad as he continued flipping through pictures. “I thought I did.” He lifted his head, his eyes meeting her gaze. “I had no idea how much I missed. I don’t know anything about her or about baby milestones or what she should or shouldn’t be doing.”

“I didn’t either if it makes you feel any better. I spent most of my pregnancy feeling sad and alone. Ruby tried to get me to read baby books, but I refused. I hated myself even though I’d chosen my life. It wasn’t until after Jasmine was born that I finally got my shit together.”

“I wish I could have been there.” His voice broke and he shook his head. “I hate that I missed all this.” He swiped a hand toward the iPad.

She started to speak, to once again apologize for the shitty thing she’d done. But he stopped her. “I know why you did it, and I think I get it. I was young. Hell, we both were. And you might be right, I might have given up everything for you and eventually resented you. That doesn’t make hearing about Jasmine’s life any easier. Knowing I could have been there, but I wasn’t given the chance.” He paused, his throat working as he swallowed several times. “I also hate that you were alone and in pain. That you had to learn how to be a mom while you were also still learning how to be an adult.”

She bit down on her bottom lip to stop herself from launching herself at him. He was being sweet and kind and her body yearned for him. Why was he being so kind to her? She’d been prepared for his anger, that she could have handled.

This version of him was not what she’d expected.

All it made her do was torture herself with what could have been.

She could have been happy this whole time. They could have been a family.

“I leave Monday for spring training,” he said, breaking her thoughts. “Until then, I’d like to spend as much time with you and Jasmine. I know she has gymnastics and you have other responsibilities, but I’ll work around any of those.”

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