Page 28 of Walk Off

“You can thank Dallas for that. He’s pretty persuasive.”

She bit the inside of her lip to stop herself from making a noise. This was no time for anything funny. “I assume you have questions?”

His eyes found and held hers as silence settled in around them. She’d looked into his eyes many times in their three months together. She’d always been able to read him from his eyes alone. The day she’d told him she didn’t love him, she’d seen how much the words had hurt him. Then when he’d begged her not to go, the fear and rejection had been so powerful, that she’d almost broken down then and there and told him the truth.

It was time for that now.

“Does she know about me?”

That wasn’t what she’d expected. She thought he'd ask why she’d lied or why she’d kept Jasmine from him. He always was good at surprising her.

“She does. I told her just a little bit ago. Although, it seems our daughter is smarter than I realized. She already knew about you and even knew your name. Apparently, she heard Ruby and me talking once and looked you up.”

His eyes went wide with concern. “What did she think?”

That made her laugh. “She wanted to know when she could see you.”

“Did you tell her why I haven’t been around?” His face showed no emotion.

This was the hard part. “Over the years, I never, not once, made you out to be the bad guy. I need you to know that. From the time she was born, when I’d rock her to sleep at night, I’d whisper in her ear what a great guy you were and I’d tell her all about you. As she got older, I told her that you were busy and that’s why you couldn't be around. But, you loved her.”

“If I was such a great guy, Celia, then why’d you leave? Why’d you keep my daughter from me?” His anger was back, but this time it was controlled.

Before she could even speak the words, memories of that day, of everything they’d had, came roaring back to the surface. She'd told herself she wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t going to use tears to make him feel bad for her.

She was the bad guy.

But still, the tears fell.

“I didn’t want to,” she cried out. “The day you told me about being called up, I had no idea I was pregnant. I was so excited for you, for us, really. I wanted to go with you so badly, but I realized that it might be better to do the long-distance thing, at least for a few months. I could start college and you could get acclimated with your new team. We’d make it work. When I woke up the next morning, I was sick. Somewhere between puking and dry heaving, it hit me that I hadn’t had a period. I ran to the store, bought three pregnancy tests, and ran home and took them. They were all positive. I was in shock. I had no idea what to do. We were still so new and we had our whole lives to live ahead of us. I knew that if I told you, you would drop everything.” She took a deep breath, tears streaming down her face. “Your love for me was real and I knew that you’d want me and the baby, and that you’d do anything to make that happen. That would have included not living up to your full potential at baseball. Your game would have suffered, and it would have been my fault.”

“That’s bullshit.” He shook his head. “You have no idea what would have happened.” His anger made his voice harsh.

“I don’t, but neither do you, and that’s what I thought. You deserved everything good that came to you, and I couldn’t stand in the way of that.”

“I already had the best thing!” He threw his hands up into the air. “You,” he said loudly, and then he softly added, “You were all I wanted.”

“But I wasn’t. You loved baseball and I couldn’t let you give that up for me.” She swiped tears away with the heel of her hands. “Then that picture of us showed up in the paper the same morning and Ruby went off. You know how my mom was, how much she told me I was worthless and would never amount to anything. Ruby was dealing with her own issues with our dad dying and she hated Mom. I couldn’t stand to disappoint either of them. So I lied. I told Ruby it was a one-night stand and nothing more. Then I came to you and told you...” She couldn’t repeat what she’d said all those years ago. She’d been needlessly mean, all because she’d thought she’d been protecting him.

Maybe that was a lie. Maybe she’d been trying to protect herself, from both her mom and him. What if she’d told him, and a few years later he regretted it, and then they’d broken up? She would have been devastated.

Before that could happen, she ended it.

“Say it,” he said. “Say those words you said to me that day.” His voice was eerily calm, but his face was hard, like he was about to explode.

She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Say them,” he said, more demanding.

More tears fell and she gave up trying to wipe them away. “I don’t love you. I never did. You were a fun summer distraction before I go away to college.” Those words were etched into her soul. She might as well have them tattooed on her heart, she remembered them so well.

“What else?” His eyes had narrowed and he was pulsing with angry energy.

She knew why he was doing this, and she deserved it. This last part was so bad, so horrible, that she wasn’t sure she could repeat it. But she had to. This was her penance. “Your own mom didn’t even want you, why would you think I would.” She barely got the last word out before falling to her knees. “I’m so sorry, I never meant any of it,” she cried out. “It was all lies.”

He didn't move for several long seconds, just stood over her, anger on his face and fists clenched at his sides.

She lowered her head, so ashamed of everything she’d done that she couldn't even look at him. Then, she felt his fingers on her chin tipping her face up to his.

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