Page 71 of The Blackmail of Denise Randall

“Fuck.” He quickly pulls out, and I feel warm liquid on my stomach. His head falls on my forehead. Between pants he says, “I’m going to fix that. I’ll get you a prescription.” He takes my chin between his thumb and finger. “How are you?”

“It was wonderful.” I think. I don’t think I could’ve had a better first experience. Another lie.

“I got something that will make it even better.”

Roland stands up. He walks over to kitchen and grabs a glass of water, a tissue, and then grabs his slacks and pulls out a little bag.

“I don’t use anymore.”

“Nothing?” He sounds surprised.

“I was getting too addicted.”

He nods. “You should’ve told me. I’ve got something else.” He takes the tissue and wipes off the evidence of our love making. Then he grabs his slacks again.

“Is that weed? Do you typically carry around drugs?”

He chuckles. “You never know when you might need something.”

I watch as he lights up the joint. He takes a hit and then hands it to me. I’ve never had weed before. Roland wraps his arm around me. “Feeling good?” I nod, and he chuckles. “I’ll always make you feel good.”

The next morning, I wake up to Roland kissing my forehead. “I have to leave. I’ll miss you.”

I smile and watch as he walks out of my apartment. My phone dings.

UNKNOWN: This is Keaton. I don’t know if you’ve tried to reach out or not. My phone broke. This is my new number.

Guilt and…regret runs through me, but I quickly bury it. I waited for him to text me. Now he does after I decide to give myself to Roland? Keaton and I have a strange connection, but he doesn’t get me. Roland does. It doesn’t matter now. Another lie. But I need to tell myself that it’s over. In fact, it never even started. I need to think Keaton drove me to this, because if I acknowledge that last night was a huge mistake, how will I face Keaton again? The last thing I need right now is to sit here with time and shame on my hands.

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