Page 120 of The Blackmail of Denise Randall

The wind circles me and I shiver. I look around and take in all the darkness. I stand up and look down at the black stone. “I’m still a little bit of a chicken shit. I’ll visit you again when it’s daylight.”

I scurry off to the car, my feet slipping and sliding. I check the backseat and then hop in the driver’s seat. I lock the doors and turn back around the way I came. I hurry back to the house I now call home with Keaton, the entire time feeling both relieved and scared. Relieved that I finally got all that off my chest but scared that I’m out alone in the middle of the night. I can’t win. I then laugh at myself. I really laugh. Full belly, out loud laughing.

I feel renewed when I wake up in the morning, which is surprising, considering how little sleep I got. I don’t tell anyone about my middle of the night cemetery visit. It was between me and Landon. Promising Landon I’d do better keeps me accountable to do better. I feel determined. It’s a Saturday morning, which means that Rachel and Alice will be having coffee together. I drive over to Trent and Rachel’s and let myself in through the back door. I go into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee and then join my sisters at the table.

“She’s having trouble finding a job. She’s a bright girl with a bright future, but most people won’t hire her because of her reputation.”

I take a sip of my coffee as Alice continues to describe one of her students. Apparently, the girl went through a bad junior year but has since cleaned up her act. Now she’s a senior and working hard to clean up her record. Unfortunately, she’s struggling to gain any employment or scholarships for college. Rachel nods in sympathy and describes a similar case of one of her elementary student’s older brothers. I listen and note that I could have very well been one of these students, had I not gotten the help when I did. It’s easy to fall into the wrong crowd because you’re down and accept the five minutes of peace they offer. But then you can’t get ahead because you’re with them and doing the wrong stuff. You try and fail, then go right back for that five minutes of bliss. Only to repeat the cycle. The topic changes and I join in. But not completely, part of me is still thinking about those students and wondering how many more there are.

As soon as I leave, I call Keaton to share my idea.

“Really? You think it could work?”

“Princess, I think anything you put your mind to, you’ll make happen.”

“Oh shit. I’m doing this! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to get started!” I squeal. “You really like the idea?”

“I think it’s wonderful. You know what the best part of it is?”

I smile and whisper into the phone. “What?”

“You’re so passionate about it. This is what you’re meant to do.”

“I need to get to doing it then. See you tonight.”

“Love you.”

I grin and bite my bottom lip. “I love you.”

I end the call and drive to my parents’ house.

I take a deep breath and enter through the front door. I call out to my parents and then gather them in the living room. I proceed to tell them my newfound goal. What I would love to do with my life.

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