Page 85 of Off Sides

Once I get shoes, a jacket, and my phone, I follow him out to his truck. It’s big, shiny, and blue. I don’t know how I missed it earlier, but oh well. The inside is tan leather and it still smells new.

“Damn, this is nice.” I slide my hand along the door once I’ve buckled up.

“Yeah, she’s pretty sexy.” He pats the dash and winks at me. “One of the guys at the shop bought it but then realized the parking spots at his apartment are small so he couldn’t get the doors open far enough to get out.” Josh chuckles and shakes his head. “Dumbass. So I sold my old one and bought it from him.”

He drives around for a while, pointing out things that have changed and sharing stories of shit we did when we were growing up.

“Hey, can we go to the cemetery? Do you mind?” I ask when we get toward the edge of town.

“Of course. How long has it been since you came out here?”

“Not since I moved.”

My phone rings with Charlotte’s picture on the screen.

“Hey.”

“Where are you guys?” Wherever she is, it’s windy.

“Well, Matt was being himself and ended up knocking himself unconscious in the bathroom so he’s at the ER,” I begin. “I’m out with Josh.”

“Wait, what? Matt is back at the ER? Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because you don’t need to deal with his shit. I’m here, I handled it.” It’s quiet for a minute and I hear her sniffle. “You’re not responsible for him.” I soften my tone so she doesn’t think I’m yelling at her.

“Neither are you,” Josh mutters and I flip him off.

“While I’m here, you aren’t taking him on. He’s a menace right now.” Despite not wanting to be here, I know I won’t leave early. I’ll find a way to stay here as long as I possibly can to help my sister and my brother, though he doesn’t deserve it at this point.

“Where are you and Josh going?”

“To visit Dad.”

By the time Charlotte gets out to the cemetery, I’m drunk. Josh pulled a bottle of Jack out of his truck and I’ve basically stolen it from him.

“Looks like you’re having a party.” Charlotte stands over me with her hands on her hips. “Are you drunk? Seriously?”

“Hey, shut up.” I hold my finger up or maybe I hold them all up. I don’t know. The world is spinning too fast and I can’t stay upright. Why is my butt wet and cold?

“Are you sober?” She looks at Josh but I don’t hear what he says.

I miss my dad. I hate that he missed so much of our lives. I hate how him dying made me grow up too fast. “I don’t want to be an adult. It sucks.”

Putting my hand on his gravestone that’s laid in the grass, the cold of granite or whatever it is seeps into me. The black rock with gold flakes is pretty but cold. His name and dates carved into it break him down into nothing. It doesn’t tell anyone about how he lived, how he struggled to live, or the life he left behind.

I wish Nick were here. He would know what to do with me. No one sees me as more than someone who can help them. I don’t get help, though. Not really. Josh did when he could but he had his own shit, which is okay. But Nick wants to help me.

Checking my pockets for my phone, I fall over when I tip too far to the left.

Someone sighs and I look up to see Char.

“Charlie girl, did you push me?”

“I should have but no, I did not.”

“Where’s my phone? I want kisses.”

She lifts an eyebrow at me. “What?”

---