Page 54 of Off Sides

NEAL:

Jacking off, what’s it to you?

NICK:

Awfully quick response time for a jerk session.

NEAL:

What do you want?

I glance at Joey who’s watching me before telling my roommate to get lost.

“Back to the dorm, driver.” I buckle my seat belt, which sucks one-handed, but get it done while Joey watches me uneasily.

“What about your roommate?”

“I told him to fuck off for a few hours, so he left.” My phone pings and I glance quickly at it. “And he even sent me a picture to prove he left.” I chuckle and show Joey the image of Neal in the elevator.

The tension in Joey’s shoulders lessens for a split second before guilt mars his face.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head. “You deserve better than to be a dirty secret.”

I squeeze his hand and lift it so I can kiss the back of it. “You have a lot going on and coming out can be…a lot.”

“Why are you so…accommodating?” Joey demands, clearly irritated. Isn’t accommodating a good thing?

I turn in my seat as far as the seat belt will allow me to and look him in the eye. But he’s turned his head away from me and is chewing on his lip. Reaching for him, I turn his chin toward me and brush the pad of my thumb over his lip. There’s a glassy sheen of held-back tears over his eyes and it breaks my heart.

“I don’t know why you are so determined to keep me at arm’s length, but I respect your decision.” Dropping his hand, I cup his face with both of my hands. “You deserve good things, Joey.”

A tear slips slowly down his face, and I bring his forehead to mine. “Letting yourself be cared for doesn’t make you selfish. Wanting your own dreams doesn’t make you selfish. Wanting your family to figure their own shit out doesn’t make you selfish.”

He closes his eyes and sags into me, crying quietly on my shoulder while I hold him.

“Why am I so weak around you?” The words are mumbled into my shirt, but I hear them.

“Because it’s safe to. You know, somewhere in your head, that I’ve got you.” I kiss the side of his head, the only part I can reach, and run my hand down his back. “Everyone needs a person that’s safe.”

He lifts his head and I know his question before he says it out loud…

“Who’s your safe person?”

I wipe the moisture from his face before answering. Brent is as close as I have to a safe person, but not having him here with me makes it hard. When I don’t want to be alone, who do I call? No one.

I clear my throat and try to force a smile, but it’s not convincing. “My brother, Brent.”

“He’s in Washington, right?”

I nod, wishing I could teleport us to my dorm so I didn’t have to let him go, but Joey sits up and buckles his seat belt.

“Yeah, he stayed close to home.”

Is it home, though? I love my parents, they are amazing people, but…they never noticed when I needed them to.

Joey starts the car, then seems to hesitate for a minute before reaching for my hand to put on his leg. He doesn’t look at me, just nods his head, and pats my hand before pulling out of the space. I give his thigh a squeeze and sit back with a sense of contentment settling in my chest.

Once we get back to the dorms, we hurry into my room before anyone can see Joey and therefore need him for something. He breathes a sigh of relief when we get there and Neal isn’t around. As much as I want to lock the door, I’m pretty sure that would be more suspicious, so I don’t. The urge to hide him from the world is strong, though. He needs a break.

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