Page 49 of Off Sides

I wish I could be what you need.

19

Joey

When my alarm goes off the next morning, I’m somewhere between content and hung over. My stomach isn’t happy with me and I’ve got a headache looming, but my heart is calm. I can’t let myself get wrapped up in Nick. Doesn’t matter how badly I want to. How desperately a part of who I am calls to him.

My soul is tired.

I sit up and shut off the second alarm. Another day, another workout. Time stops for no one. That’s a lesson I learned early in life. The world keeps turning, even when you’re mourning, even when your mom is burying herself in work because she can’t deal with life, even when you’re left to raise your siblings because there’s no one else to do it. Life keeps going.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped living and just started surviving. I don’t know what living feels like anymore.

“Bryce, time for the gym.” I pull the blanket off my sleeping roommate and change into workout gear. Bryce is still snoring and I’m tired of having to do this every single fucking day, so I leave him. He can get in trouble with Coach today. I shouldn’t have to baby him.

I grab a protein bar and my water bottle before opening the door and sighing. If Bryce doesn’t show up on time, everyone will look at me like I’m the dick for not helping a teammate out.

Growling to myself, I turn and throw a water bottle from Bryce’s desk at him.

He jolts and covers his head. “What the fuck, man?”

“Get up.” With that, I leave the room and head down the hall. I’m apparently not hiding my frustration if the side-eyed looks from my teammates are anything to go by. But I don’t pay them any attention. With music blasting in my ears and agitation burning in my blood, I push myself harder than normal. Since we’re done with last night’s game, we’re working toward the ones next weekend, and I know I shouldn’t push it right now but I need to burn off the frustration before I do something stupid, like find Nick.

Sundays are supposed to be rest days but I typically do something light, not today, apparently.

I’m pouring sweat down my face, soaking my shirt, on the treadmill when Bryce steps in front of it and folds his arms on the rail.

I glance at him for a second and see the raised eyebrow and set jaw. He wants something or is expecting me to do something. Great. What am I missing? I slow my pace so I can stop panting enough to talk to him.

“What?”

“You what?” he barks back. Bryce is not typically a hothead, so him being upset is…concerning.

“What the hell does that mean?” I slow the treadmill even more until I’m walking comfortably.

“What’s the deal with Nick?”

I look around the gym, but it’s empty except for us. “What are you talking about? There’s no deal.”

He looks at me like I’m an idiot and I grit my teeth. This right here is why I don’t want people to know. I don’t want to deal with the intrusive questions and snide remarks. It’s only a few more months until I graduate and I don’t have to deal with this.

“You really expect me to believe there isn’t something going on? Really? Do I look like a dumbass to you?” I open my mouth to respond but he holds up his hand. “Don’t answer that.”

I snort and a smile starts to turn up one side of my mouth. “Nick and I are friends, kind of. You know how it is during the season, shit is busy and we really don’t have much time for anything besides school and hockey.” I shrug, trying to play it off like it’s not a big deal, but the ache in my stomach is a weight trying to pull me into the core of the earth.

“Bullshit.”

I stop the treadmill and stare at him. “Excuse me?”

“Bull. Shit,” he enunciates. “You mope around the room when you aren’t in here or in class. Everyone else has a social life. Every. One. Else.” He takes a deep breath and watches me for a minute. “So, go shower, get changed, then go away. I’m kicking you out of the room for the day.”

“You can’t kick me out of my own room.” I step down and wipe my face on my T-shirt.

“Watch me. I’ll get the guys to help me carry your ass out if I have to.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do all day?”

“I don’t care.”

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