Page 2 of Betting on Lizzie

“You make him sound like an employee instead of a boyfriend. What’d this one do?” her dad asked. That opened a can of all the wacky reasons she’d ever broken up with a guy.

“Coughed or yawned too loud?” Kate guessed. “I think you dumped one of each.”

“Bad breath?” Emma’s husband, Dirk, said. “Bad driver? Bad kisser?”

“Sewed his own clothes?” Lucy said. “That guy was awesome.”

“Only ate foods that were green?” Adam said.

“We really gonna do this?” Lizzie asked.

“Thought Stevie Nicks was a man?” Lucy’s husband, Jack, asked, ignoring Lizzie completely.

“Doesn’t know all the words to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’?” Daisy asked.

“Wouldn’t sneeze in front of anyone?” her mom said.

“I guess we are doing this,” Lizzie mumbled.

“Mistook your dog for a horse?” Daisy’s brand-new husband, Noah said.

“Never mind,” her dad said. “Sorry I asked.”

“I think they’re making fun of you, Lizzie,” Nana said. “Not sure if you caught that.”

“Yes. Thank you, Nana,” Lizzie said, rolling her eyes. “Y’all are hilarious. And wrong. He wanted me to meet his parents. After two dates. He also gave mention to my shriveling ovaries.”

A collective gasp of indignation flared around the table. “What?” “No way.” “Rude.” “Men!” “Oh, dear.” “Idiot.” “He did not say that.”

“Fine. Maybe not those exact words,” Lizzie admitted. “But that was the gist. He brought up my age.”

“Oh. So there’s a body in your trunk?” Daisy asked.

“We can bury it after dinner,” Nana said. “Once it’s dark.”

“And the babies are sleeping,” Emma added. Bella giggled.

“I’m the mayor,” Lizzie’s dad said. “Nobody’s burying a body.”

“He’s right,” Lizzie’s mom said. “We’ll dump it in the river like civilized people.”

Lizzie bit her lip to fight a smile. “We have derailed, y’all.”

“Geez. How many guys have you broken up with?” Lizzie’s cousin Bella asked.

“A few,” Lizzie said at the same time Lucy said, “Countless.” She shot her twin a dirty look.

“Oh. Remember that guy who carried a lucky rabbit’s foot everywhere?” Emma said.

“That was an employee I fired, not a boyfriend,” Lizzie said defensively. “And he was frickin’ weird. One day, he forgot the thing and had to go home for it before he would start his shift.”

“Can you wash something like that?” Kate asked. “I mean, if he’s rubbing it all the time and it never gets cleaned…”

“Wasn’t so lucky the day you fired him,” Noah said, and Daisy snickered.

“Any…way…” Lizzie said, dragging out the word. “Surely someone has something else on the docket. Bella? How about you? How’s the new school? You making friends?”

Seventeen-year-old Bella, recently orphaned, had come to live with Lizzie’s parents. Moving from Charlotte to New Bern meant starting from scratch at a brand-new high school.

---