Page 50 of Fast Forward

“That’s from me, Mum.” Diora beamed.

I looked up at my daughter. “But you already bought me the facial earlier today. You didn’t have to get me anything else.” Then again, who was I to refuse? “Thanks, sweetie.” I pulled at the red ribbon.

“Wait, don’t forget to read the card,” she said.

What card? I glanced at the sparkly gift and on the underside was a small barcode stuck to the paper. Oh, right! Hoping like hell it wasn’t just the barcode from the wrapping paper, I subtly held it near my e-pad and with relief a beep sounded.

Do you want to open or save document? the screen asked.

I pressed ‘open’ and a beautiful birthday card came to life before my eyes. It showed a woman walking through a magical forest, staring at the twinkling stars in the sky. She pointed to one and it glowed, before bursting into a thousand tiny flickering embers of light, leaving behind the words: May all your wishes come true on your birthday ~ your daughter, Diora.

I smiled in delight and glanced again at my daughter, her face weary but happy. “I certainly hope they do. Thank you, darling.” I pulled off the ribbon and lifted the gift from its wrapping. When I opened the box a shiny pendant winked at me, its smooth oval shape framing a red jewel in the centre.

“And I didn’t even know you were wearing red tonight, how appropriate!” Diora said.

“It’s perfect.” I lifted the necklace from its case and held it up to the peering crowd. As it spun side to side on its chain, an inscription on the back caught my eye. I squinted and held it at arms-length to read it.

If I am this gem, then you are the precious metal, because without your strength and support I could not shine my light to the world. ~ Diora.

Oh my God. Was I crying? A gentle warmth radiated from within and caressed my body. My eyelids blinked over slippery eyes. “Diora, that’s beautiful. I don’t know what to say.” I stood up and walked to her, my arms encasing her just like the necklace, although not all the way around because there was the issue of the restricted arm movement, compounded by Diora’s large belly.

“Happy birthday, Mum,” she whispered.

Composing myself, I resumed my position on the stool and picked up the next present.

“That’s from me,” Elaine said.

“Another one from you too? Wow, I’m totally spoilt.” I smiled.

Inside a rectangular box was a plastic gift card with Wildfire Women’s Resort on the front. I squinted again at the writing on the back, which told me I was entitled to a two-night stay.

“I’ve got one too, so we can have a girl’s weekend away!” Elaine beamed. “I was thinking sometime next month, but whatever works for you.”

“Thank you, Elaine.” For someone who seemed fairly budget conscious, this plus the facial from today must have been a stretch. A strange and unfamiliar sensation crept its way around my body, peering into nooks and crannies and believe me, I had developed quite a few of those. My heart softened like cotton wool. “I’m humbled by your generosity.”

Her ghostly figure floated towards me and embraced me. “How are you coping with the suit?” she sneaked in before pulling away.

My parents-in-law weaved to the front of the crowd as I picked up their present. I tore away the Victorian floral paper and stared at the package. Household Helper - Instant Vacuum.

How could this be a vacuum cleaner, the box wasn’t large enough. “Oh, thanks. I’ve been wanting one of these!” I forced my eyes wide to express excitement at such a gift.

“I thought you might, especially after last Christmas when you complained about your sore back from all the vacuuming,” Marge Simpson said. “This will make things much easier for you.” She turned the box over and pointed to the illustrated instructions. “You just install the devices in a corner of each room, make sure there’s nothing small and valuable on the floor, press the red button, and voila! All dust from up to seven metres away is sucked into the device.”

Now that’s my kind of housework.

“But how does all the dust fit into such a small device?” Elaine asked, her forehead furrowed as she examined the box.

Homer Simpson waddled his ample belly towards the fascinated guests gathered around the Household Helper. “What happens is, the dust is compressed to half its size and then dispersed into nanoparticles which the device then compresses again, causing a compound effect which reduces the molecular size tenfold.” My father-in-law should have come dressed as Einstein.

“In other words, honey, it makes the dust smaller so you don’t have to empty the device that often,” Will added.

“I have to get one,” Elaine stated.

“I got one a few months back,” Regina said with a flick of her blond Marilyn wig. “A reward to myself for my business going above and beyond its income targets.”

“Ah, so the matchmaking industry’s still going bug guns, eh?” Will asked Regina.

“Totally. I think ConnectNow’s success comes from the fact we also have a showroom, something the online-only dating websites can’t compete with.”

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