Page 58 of Puppy Love

The second those words leave her mouth, everything around me begins to spin. My eyes snap up to look at her, my heart pounding heavily against the inside of my ribcage. I can feel my nostrils flaring, my jaw clenching hard.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I snap, without even realizing I’m saying it. “Dead parents aren’t something you wish for, Violet. It fucking sucks, okay? It sucks. So don’t—” My voice breaks, and oh god, why are my eyes watering? “Don’t think it’s easier.” I step away from her, tears falling down my cheeks. “Actually, you clearly aren’t thinking at all.”

Violet’s eyes widen, her expression falling. “Fuck, Cam. I didn’t know.” Her hand reaches out to me, but I push it away. “I’m sorry. I never would’ve—”

“What? Wished your parents were dead? Or just said it out loud in front of me?” Violet goes quiet, her lips pressing together. I let out a loud scoff, my hands clenching into fists so tightly that my nails dig into the palms. “Just go,” I say, in a tone that lets her know it isn’t up for debate. “Please, just go.”

Violet swallows, looking at me with round, apologetic eyes. But she exhales, then complies.

My hands tremble as I dig through my denim backpack, the medication bottle vibrating in my shaking palm. It’s hard to take the cap off, but it finally clicks open. Two white pills travel down my throat. A shuddering breath slides into my lungs, and I hold it there steadily, wanting, in this moment, to never breathe again. *

twenty

Strays

Violet

Do you ever fuck up so badly that you feel like you deserve an award? 12Like “I didn’t know you could say something so stupid, but here we are?”

I think I earned a gold-star for being the world’s biggest asshole on Friday. Actually, scratch that. I know I earned it.

I thought about texting Cam to apologize, but the way she looked at me, I don’t think she ever wants to talk to me again. I had absolutely no idea Cam’s parents had died. When she said that she “got it,” I assumed she meant her parents were kind of like addicts too. Overbearing, maybe, or just plain harsh.

But you know what they say about assuming.

I feel like I should have expected the conversation to end poorly. I never talk about my parents, not to anyone. Even Mallory only knew what she observed herself. Vulnerability is practically a how-to betrayal guide. And that’s precisely what I did to Cam.

Hayden explained it yesterday at our session. How her mom died during birth, and her dad in an avalanche. I remembered seeing it a few years ago on the news. He was the only one on the bypass that evening, and the avalanche just fell. There was no warning, no signs. Just a sudden, arbitrary drop.

I cradle my temples between my fingers, rubbing them rapidly. Cam had absolutely every right to react the way she did. I might know what it’s like to have shitty parents, but I don’t know what it’s like to have none at all. She was right. I had no idea what I was talking about.

I look up at the parking lot, leaning against the wall of the facility and taking a large breath. I should be in my car, on my way home. Actually, if I had left when my shift was over, I’d already be at home. But it’s been a long day, and I needed to decompress a bit before driving. I needed some fresh air. I take a bite of the beef jerky in my hand.

Reese stands next to me, looking up at me with the cutest, roundest eyes the world has ever seen. I know I shouldn’t, but I toss him a piece of jerky anyway.

I hear the front door close, the swing of the heavy door causing just the slightest vibration through my back around the corner. Reese stands, his tail wagging excitedly as he starts to approach the edge of the wall.

“Reese, co—” A little black snout pokes into sight, then the rest of a scruffy black-and-white body. “Oh. Hi Dawson,” I say, my heart thrumming in my chest. If Dawson’s here, that means—

“Dawson, let’s go,” Cam commands, giving the leash a slight tug. But Dawson’s face is already pressed into Reese’s ass, his tail swaying vigorously. Reese’s body grows firm, but his tail stays wagging, which I know means he wants to play, so long as he’s in charge. Cam tugs the leash again, but Dawson continues to ignore her. I could help her. Give her some tips on keeping his attention and getting him to listen. But I don’t think Cam wants my help. Especially not right now.

“Hey.” I wave my hand awkwardly, confused as to why anything came out of my mouth when I had already decided not to talk. Surprisingly, Cam looks up at me, but she quickly looks back down at Dawson.

“Hi.”

Well, it’s not much, but it’s a start. I straighten my posture.

“Can we talk?” I ask. I want to apologize. No, I need to apologize. But it won’t mean anything if Cam isn’t ready to hear it.

“You’re talking to me now, aren’t you?”

Her eyes flick up to me, and if the circumstances were different, I’d think she was almost smiling. I swallow nervously.

“Yes, I know. I just mean—”

Cam laughs, and I don’t think I have ever felt more relieved in my life.

“I know. I’m fucking with you,” she says, stepping closer to me. “Because I’m fun, remember?”

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