Page 119 of Puppy Love

“What do you mean?”

Hayden dips me down, the back of my head nearly touching the floor before he brings me back up.

“Violet told me,” he says softly. “About all of it.”

I shake my head, looking down.

His soft blonde brows press together, and his large gentle hands hold me tightly. “I’m sorry Cam. I pushed you to get the quartz. I thought you had feelings for her. I thought I was helping.”

“You weren’t,” I say.

Hayden swallows, nodding apologetically. His eyes are glossy, but I know that he won’t cry. Hayden’s like Violet in that way. He doesn’t let it be obvious, what he’s thinking. “But I know your intentions, Hay. I forgive you.” I sigh, looking over at Adrian and Avery, who are now laughing about something that I failed to overhear. I focus back on Hayden.

“What were you doing, Cam? With Cody? Do you know how badly that could’ve ended?” Hayden’s voice is strained with worry, and I know it’s not unwarranted. It could’ve ended badly with Cody, I know that. But I also know that if I had done it sooner, maybe I wouldn’t have led Violet to believe there was more. Maybe I would’ve stood firmer with the rules, or maybe, the contract wouldn’t have existed at all. The point being, that if I had done it sooner, Violet wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

But I don’t know if she was really that hurt now, seeing as it only took hours for her to kiss someone else. Some call it a rebound. But I don’t feel the way Violet claimed to, and even I can’t think about kissing anyone but her.

“I know,” I say softly, my gaze lowering to the floor. “I just had to tell him. I had to let him know what he did to me, and I had to let him know he didn’t win.”

Hayden’s gentle fingers lift my chin, my eyes flicking up to meet his. A beaming smile shines on his face, his eyes growing teary again.

“You said that?” he asks, almost in a whisper. I nod.

“Yes. What else would I have met up with him for?”

Hayden shrugs, his hand still on my waist as he sways me side to side.

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully. His lips part again, but hesitation floods his eyes, and he waits a beat, glancing over at Adrian and Avery. They’re still talking about who knows what, Avery’s fiddling with the noise-canceling headphones Hayden had gifted him. Hayden looks back at me, his voice softening.

“She didn’t do it, you know.”

My eyes meet his, my brows knitted together in a true fashion of confusion.

“What?”

“Violet. She didn’t kiss Mallory. Mallory kissed her.” I stare at him, blinking slowly. My throat grows drier by the second, a large lump forming in the bottom of it. “Not that you care.”

I lean my head into his shoulder as the song comes to a gradual end. Tears prick my eyes, Hayden’s Christmas sweater absorbing them as they fall silently.

“Yeah,” I say. “Not like I care.”*

thirty-eight

Stop Wishing

Violet

You know that saying, “you never know how good you have it until it’s gone”? 31

I experienced it a little bit differently.

I didn’t realize what a beautiful thing it was to feel, until I felt. I thought feeling was a fatal flaw. I thought showing it was the thing that would ruin me. But it’s necessary, I realize now. Even the pain. It’s a privilege to feel pain, because it means you’ve felt something beautiful to compare it to.

My hand grips the steering wheel as I make the four-hour journey to Clarkston. Reese sleeps in the back seat, his fur still patchy but his wounds healed. I look at him through the mirror and smile as a tear trickles down my cheek.

I wipe it against my shoulder, my eyes catching a glimpse of that greyscale hammerhead shark. I swallow, looking back through the windshield as I curve through an icy road through the mountains. The brown rock peeks through in some areas, and I can’t pretend I wish it didn’t.

Hayden was wrong about Cam, and her feelings for me. Maybe he’s wrong in the fact that she doesn’t have feelings for him too. Or maybe, all along, this was just a winding road, leading her back to Cody. But none of that, not even for a second, could make me hate her.

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