Page 113 of Puppy Love

Don’t think. Just say it.

“I love it. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you. And at first, I didn’t believe Hayden. But this—”*

28Cam’s brows furrow, and she takes a step back.

“Hayden?” she asks.

I nod, taking another step closer.

“I didn’t believe him when he said you have feelings, but-”

“Violet, I don’t—” She swallows, her brows knitting together. The corners of her lips pull down, regret pooling in her eyes. “I don’t know what Hayden said but this isn’t—” Cam’s head shakes, and the fluttering in my stomach begins to harden, sinking into my feet. This isn’t right. She takes the stone from my palm, holding it up.

“The employee at the emporium told me that this was for self-love. I figured, with seeing your parents in Clarkston and everything, you might need the reminder. The reminder that, no matter what they say or do, you’re worth it. You’re an amazing person. But—” Her voice breaks, and she looks to the floor. “That’s all. I’ve been trying to stick to the contract. I don’t—” The words get caught in her throat, and she swallows hard before she continues. “I don’t feel that way. I’m sorry.”

I blink, wet streaks trickling down my cheeks, and I step back, taking a shuddering breath. This doesn’t make any sense. The way she held me in the shower, the way her body melted into mine moments ago. This is wrong, every bit of it.

I’m either so much stupider than I thought, or Cam is doing what Cam does: run.

I sniff, the muffled sound piercing the air around us. Then, I shake my head.

“I know it wasn’t supposed to happen,” I say. “I know it violates the contract, and you like to stick to the rules. But think about it, Cam. Are you really going to say, after this, after everything, that there isn’t the slightest hint of something?”

Tears prick her eyes, a thick glossy coat washing over them. I know there’s more to this. There has to be. But Cam steps back, her nose growing red, her lip shaking.

“It isn’t about the contract,” she says flatly. “There just isn’t more. I got close to you because that’s what I do. I form toxic dependencies on people. I’m sorry if I made you feel like there was more to it, but—”

“No,” I shake my head, the room around me growing blurry. Tears stream down my cheeks, a foreign saltwater river pooling around my lips. Cam’s just pulling away, like she did at Monsey’s, like she did after seeing Cody. But she doesn’t need to be scared with me. “I know you’re scared but—”

Cam’s face grows red, her nostrils flaring suddenly as her lip twitches.

“Scared?!” she snaps, her brows weaving tightly together. “What the fuck would lead you to believe I’m just ‘scared’? Have you ever thought that maybe I just don't—”

“Snow,” I cut in. Caught off guard by my interruption, Cam stares at me, her eyes unblinking. I continue. “Red 40. Road trips. Wine.” Her lips part, ready to speak, but I don’t stop. “Airplanes. Lakes. Intersections where the light blinks yellow. Pinworms. Windows that don’t slide open. Water that isn’t filtered a thousand damn times. You’re scared of everything, Cam. And you know what I think?”

Cam scoffs, but tears ripple down her cheeks.

“I think you’re scared that you have feelings for me too.”

Cam’s head shakes, and she sniffles, her eyes dropping to the floor. I see it, the hurt traveling through her veins. I hate that I’m the one who put it there. Regret floods my body in a wave, a sharp sting piercing my chest.

God, I’m such a fucking idiot. I think I just created our demise. I know, actually, that with those stupid words, I just ended the contract. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut. All I had to do was pretend everything was fine.

“Cam, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Get out,” she says.

There’s no waver in her tone, no uncertainty. But complying is the furthest thing from what I want to do. I want to wrap her in my arms. I want to tell her all the things I’m scared of too. Vulnerability. Intimacy. Losing her.

Her throat bobs as she swallows, and she finally looks up from the floor, every word of what I said circling around her pupils.

“Leave, Violet.”*

thirty-five

Rum & Revelations

Violet

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