Page 39 of Puppy Love

“Gay!” Avery yells out, and Hayden tosses a couch pillow at him, giggling.

Adrian and I shoot him a synchronous glare, then look at each other and start laughing.

“These aren’t new,” I say disappointedly, pointing to the frozen egg rolls as Adrian slides the pan into the oven. “I know I’m supposed to be trying new things but—”

“But nothing,” Hayden cuts in from behind me. I turn around and see his body towering over me, his lips offering a sweet smile.

“You’ve had a lot of changes recently, Cam. Work, trying to move on from Cody. It’s okay if some things stay the same.”

I lean into him, practically hugging him with my face. The familiar scent of cedarwood and honey fills my nose, and I melt into him. I think, strangely, I feel more guilty about keeping it from Hayden than I do from Adrian. Adrian was my friend first; I only know Hayden because of them. But I have a reason to keep it from Adrian. And right now, leaning into Hayden’s soft warm arms, I realize there is absolutely no real reason I should be keeping it from him.

Hayden will take your secrets to the grave. I love that about him. Adrian is my best friend, but Hayden I could trust with anything. My stomach twists, a dry lump forming in my throat as guilt buries inside of me.

“I love you guys.” I sigh, wrapping my arms around Hayden.

Adrian throws their arms around us both. “Me too.”

“Yeah.” Hayden chuckles. We all look over at Avery, who rolls his eyes.

“Don’t drag me into this,” he groans. “I’m just here for Derek Morgan.”

Ithink Dr. Burton is mad at me. Is that a thing?

Can your therapist be mad at you?

I mean I know, logically, therapists are humans, and therefore, he has the emotional capability to be mad at me. But like, can he be mad at me from a medical standpoint?

“So.” He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Let me get this straight. You want to have a sexual arrangement… with your boss?”

I don’t think his tone is intentionally judgy, but it makes my entire body feel like I’m standing before the fucking court.

Let the record show: yes, that’s exactly what I’m proposing.

“Well, that sounds… wrong,“ I say. “When you put it that way.”

Dr. Burton’s eyebrows furrow. “How would you like to put it?”

“Well…” I suck in a breath, mulling things over for a minute. “It’s a mutual, beneficial agreement between two consenting parties. If she agrees.”

Dr. Burton nods, and I swear he’s trying not to laugh at me.

“And what happened in the storage closet last week, that was initiated by…”

“Me.” I say it confidently, like if you had told me that a month ago, I wouldn’t have committed you to an institution. Dr. Burton stays silent for a moment, and I swallow.

“My concern, here, Cam, is that—”

“She isn’t really my boss,” I cut him off. Dr. Burton raises his eyebrows, but motions for me to continue. “If that’s what you’re thinking. I mean, she is, but she isn’t. And it isn’t like that. She didn’t take advantage of me or anything.”

I have to say it because I know how the words coming out of my mouth sound. But nothing would have ever happened between us if I hadn’t started it. If I hadn’t kissed her.

“Okay.” Dr. Burton nods. “I believe you. But that wasn’t my concern.”

My brows press together, and I frown. “What was then?”

He takes a deep breath.

“Cam, when you have Adjustment Disorder, especially with depression and anxiety, your body and brain don’t react to stress and changes like a normal person’s does. They start to panic, as you know, and that can lead to finding comfort in filling space, patching holes to keep things as they are. I’m not saying that this is that.” He clears his throat, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “But I am saying that I want you to be mindful of the reason you wanted to do this in the first place. You wanted to move on from your relationship, and you wanted to explore your sexuality. And you did, and that’s great. But the purpose behind it being casual was to ensure there was distance. To promote individuality rather than dependency. Of course, comfortability is a priority… But I am concerned that, with the constant proximity, things will get confusing for you.”

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