Page 96 of The Darkest Parts of Me

“Me too,” he says, stopping until he’s just a few inches away from me. We stare at each other for a few moments, and then I can’t wait any longer.

I reach up to whisper into his ear. “Renn. Don’t hold anything back.”

And so he doesn’t.

Renn kisses me hard before sliding his tongue into my mouth. He pulls me up against him, our mouths never leaving each other as he picks me up swiftly, setting me down on top of the counter to pick up where we left off earlier that day.

“Tell me what you need, Maven. Tell me what you want.”

I want everything, but I don’t know where to begin.

“I want you to do everything you’ve ever thought of doing. Please.” The “please” causes him to smirk.

“It’s a long list. I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.” The dark edge to his voice only makes me want it more, even as he reminds me that we only have this one night.

I bite my lip before I respond, “Try.”

He drags me to the edge of the counter, sliding my leggings off my hips, then slides a finger inside me, stroking me in a perfect rhythm. My only response is a whimper, and he slides another finger inside. I’m so wet already; his perfect fingers only make me more slick with want.

“Are you serious, Mave?” I love hearing the animalistic gravel to his voice. I only want to hear it more.

“Only for you.” I pant. “I’ve never done this for anyone besides you.” It is the truth, my body has never responded this way to anyone else’s touch. “If we only have tonight . . . I want to give you everything,” I say as he works me and I grasp onto his shoulders, nails digging in his skin.

He quickly sends me over the edge completely, and I scream his name, throwing my head back as his rhythm slows, calming my nerves of pleasure. Before I can catch my breath, he picks me up, and I straddle him from the front as he places his hands on the back of my thighs and carries me to the loft. I bury my face in his neck, inhaling the sweet scent of his skin, a perfect blend of the auto shop and the forest, until he places me on top of the bed.

“That’s one thing off the list,” he says with a grin, pulling off his shirt, and I follow suit.

Then suddenly, what was a frenzy moments ago, turns into something more intimate and broken. It’s the most invigorating and calamitous feeling, knowing that I have this man in front of me right now. But the fact that he will soon be millions of miles away is too much to comprehend. There will never be enough time to get enough of him. It leaves me with the sense of uncontrollable yearning to try to say and do all the things I’ve dreamt about doing with him. But if we only have this night, I’m not going to waste it. He places a strand of my hair behind my ear as he looks down at me.

“How can something be so perfect and hurt so much at the same time?” he says like he can read my mind.

“I don’t want to be sad,” I say softly. “I want to enjoy every minute I get with you, it’s just . . .”

He slides his finger under my chin, lifting it so I look at him. “I will take you any way. Happy, sad . . . as long as I’m with you, I don’t care. We can do, or not do, whatever you want.”

My heart feels like it might explode with everything I feel for him. I stand up on tippy toes and kiss him with everything I have to give, brushing my chest against his. He kisses me back, but not with the urgency from moments before. His lips move on me as if they are worshiping. It’s the only word I can use to describe it, and I want to do the same for him.

“Lie back,” I say, barely above a whisper against his mouth. Renn doesn’t question or hesitate as he lies down on the bed in front of me. “Don’t move,” I command. He licks his bottom lip nervously, and my want for him ignites further. I’ll never get used to the fact that I can do things like that to him.

I want to memorize each part of him. The angles of his jaw. The curve of muscles on his forearm. The freckles splaying across his broad shoulders. The way he smells and tastes.

He lifts a hand to touch me.

“Not yet,” I say.

If I can’t have Renn here with me, then he will be mine forever in my mind.

The tears come quickly, and as they fall, I hate and love each and every drop that runs down my face. I don’t even bother to try to wipe them away.

Eventually, Renn can’t hold himself back any longer and he kisses me, and as I kiss him back, I can taste the saltiness on his lips. It’s satisfying, tasting myself on him. Like I’m truly a part of him now, and they don’t stop.

They are tears of sorrow for the things lost.

Tears of joy for the love that we’ve found.

Tears of longing for what could have been.

Tears for the time we had together and time that will never be.

---