Page 26 of The Darkest Parts of Me

“Already?” I smile to myself as I see it’s from my mom.

Mom: I know it’s none of my business . . . I’m not sure what happened with Renn, but he came to say goodbye when I stopped at the bookshop. Just wanted you to know. Love you sweetheart.

I don’t know what to type back. I wonder for a moment if I were the one leaving Solitude Ridge, if he would have bothered to say goodbye to me. There’s no denying that it stirs something in me. I land on something simple, not wanting to open that door more than it needs to be.

Me: I love you too, Mom.

It’s still early in the day, so before I talk myself out of it, I grab a blanket and a book and walk down the trail to the pond.

It’s a flat path, perfect for an easy stroll through the dense, evergreen woods, and I take my time to study the fallen leaves and pluck some wildflowers. When the clear, glass surface of the pond comes into view, I can’t resist the urge to touch the water, carefully weaving through the brush to the water’s edge. I graze a finger across the surface, then gradually wade my hand back and forth, watching the ripples expand in every direction.

Before long, I’m captivated by the intricate dance of cause and effect. The slightest touch upon the surface, or the tossing of a stone, every action, even the most subtle of movements will reverberate throughout the entirety of the tranquil pond. It causes me to think about my own life, about how every choice and every action I make affects those closest to me, my little circle of special people.

Five years ago, a heavy consequence from a terrible choice unexpectedly dropped into my pond. The water has finally stilled, and I hope my decision to stay in Solitude Ridge will be a positive ripple in my pond. For a long time, the ripples felt more like tidal waves, engulfing and drowning me. Isn’t that why I am here after all? To iron out the past, hoping for smoother seas ahead? There would’ve been no harm in staying where I was before—working, and keeping busy—but I knew deep down that I would never truly be able to move on until I was here again. It was a personal experiment I created for myself. A test to see if I was really as strong as I felt—as strong as I knew I could be if I reached deep in myself.

I crave for my life to be like the calm stillness of the pond, but no matter how badly I want it, something whispers to me in the back of my mind that the peaceful life I desire is fleeting, and the next great wave will soon wash me away once again.

CHAPTER TEN

Renn

Firefly Night is one of the town’s traditions that is known only by locals and Solitude Ridge regulars, and we try to keep it that way. The town is always welcoming to the crowds of tourists, but we like to hold on to the small town aspects when we can. For example, there are a handful of lakes in the area, but Mirror Lake has been kept away from the flow of tourists for many years, and I hope that never changes.

It was a happy coincidence that I saw Tova stop at the bookshop to say her goodbyes to Mina and Tash, and when she spotted me loading up my truck with folding tables and chairs to take down to the lake, she of course waved me over. I was honestly disappointed she had to leave, and when she gave me that warm, motherly hug asking me to look out for Maven, it made the guilt stab again because I couldn’t tell her that I was trying to keep my distance since that night at the coffee shop.

Shy and I make a quick detour to pick up Grant, since he doesn’t drive on his own much anymore, and now the three of us are driving down the bumpy, beaten road to the lake. Shy sits in the middle of Grant and me, ears perked and alert because she loves playing fetch on the lake shore, running through the water and retrieving sticks over and over again. There’s already a line of cars parked on the beach, with grills and fires going when we arrive. It is a potluck of sorts, everyone contributes in some way.

I spy Mina and Valery directing people where to set up food and supplies. Shy stays in the truck, waiting for my command that she can get out. “Now don’t get into trouble,” I say to her, rubbing her ears.

“You’ve got that dog trained so well, she doesn’t know what trouble means,” Grants scoffs, slowly getting out of the truck.

“I know. I know. I just like to remind her.” I pat Shy on the head one more time. “Alright then. Go ahead.” She jumps out and makes a beeline for the lakeshore where a group of kids are laughing and already splashing around in the water. They welcome her with excited screams and giggles.

“Hey you two!” Tasha calls out, making her way over to us.

“Tash, help an old man out, would you?” Grants asks, beaming at her with his full gray beard and all.

“Of course. Anything for my favorite guy in town,” she replies, taking his arm and helping him toward the camp.

“I thought I was your favorite guy in town,” I say with a smirk.

She rolls her eyes playfully. “I’ll be right back to help you unload those.” She nods to the back of the truck.

I start pulling out the tables and chairs, and soon, Tash joins me. “You’re so sweet, always taking care of Grant,” she says, gathering a couple of chairs.

“He looked out for me when I first came here, so it’s the least I can do,” I respond, wrapping my arms around one of the tables, just wide enough for me to manage on my own. She snickers next to me. “What?” I ask through a smile.

“I’ve known you for years now, and I still can’t get over how kind you are sometimes. You’re a good friend,” she says. She’s looking toward the lake, so she doesn’t see the flicker of guilt that I quickly push away. “Good.” That word again. It still stings just as much as it did earlier.

“And what about you?” I ask. She looks at me a little surprised. “You're a good friend too.” Her cheeks blush faintly as she grins up at me, finding I’m completely serious. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten all the things you did for me when I showed up here too. I know you don’t get new people who stay often, and you made it easier on me with your kindness. You and Grant were my first friends.”

She grins wider now. “I take back what I said earlier. You are most definitely my favorite guy in town.” She laughs, hitting me lightly in the arm with her free hand. “Speaking of friends…” I follow Tasha’s gaze to see Maven pulling up next to my truck. All at once, nerves spark to life. What is wrong with me? I can’t help but watch Maven get out of her car, her blue gaze flashing over me for a millisecond before looking at Tash.

“Mave!” Tasha exclaims, setting the chairs down before running over to her and wrapping her in a big hug. “It’s Firefly Night!” she shouts, and they both chuckle.

“I know! My favorite Solitude Ridge tradition!” Maven says smiling. They both giggle excitedly like little kids for a moment.

“Come on!” Tash says, pulling her along.

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