Page 67 of The Darkest Parts of Me

His agenda for the day is full, having been tasked with putting together a year-end report for his superiors, and just finished his check-in with the paleontologist team. But he still has to check in with the leads of a few more teams before his report is finalized.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. “Pardon me, Captain Anton?” says a voice, mockingly, on the other side.

The captain rolls his eyes. He has come to know that voice well over the last ten years. It’s the voice of his closest friend, Nathan Hayden. They met during their early years in the academy, and have remained close ever since. Nate is also one of those select, overachieving officers who, like the captain, spent a majority of his life with the SEA.

No matter how much time has passed, hearing Nate call him “Captain Anton” never feels right. Of course, in the company of others, they always put on a good show, and only a few members of the crew know of their brother-like friendship. Nate is one of a handful of others who know him simply as “Renn.” While being captain has its many privileges, being addressed as “Captain” or “Sir” day in and day out has become monotonous. He has to admit, he sometimes wonders what it would be like to be just Renn. It’s a sort of daydream that he often finds himself wandering through on those long days of moving through the great, infinite plane of space.

“I’m alone, Nate. Come in.”

Nate enters the low-lit cabin and immediately flops onto the cushioned leather chair in front of the captain’s desk. “Man, did you see the new group of lingos that transferred over yesterday?” he asks happily.

Renn shakes his head, sighing. “Of course you had to be right there to welcome them to the crew.” The ship frequently receives transports dropping off or picking up goods. Occasionally, officers also transfer on and off the ship, and linguistic officers are vital.

“It’s part of my job! I told them right where to find me if they needed anything.” He smirks.

“I don’t remember seeing anything in the first officer and lead software engineer job description about being part of the welcoming committee.”

“Actually, I think it’s implied as your second in command, and if their tech for some reason isn’t working properly, they know who to come to.”

Renn glares at him. Knowing Nate, he’d probably purposefully do something to their tech that would cause them to have to come to him in the ship's technical bay to fix it. Nate is brilliant. He’s truly a genius in the tech field, and also a little bit of a troublemaker, but this playboy act is exactly that, an act. Nate has never fully gotten over his first real girlfriend, and as crazy as it was, being only nineteen years old at the time, Renn really thought Nate had found his person. Not that he will ever tell him that. It isn’t really worth the trouble, and he is in no position to give relationship advice, having been in exactly zero serious relationships himself. Honestly, he’s never had the time. As cliche as it is, he has spent every waking hour for the last thirteen years dedicated to getting to this point in his career. He had the occasional hookup from time to time, and it was usually with women who had no idea who he was. It was always a one time thing, never serious, even when there were times he might have wanted it to be. The only romance in his life at this point is when he has to manage the occasional crew quarrel of who slept with so and so’s boyfriend.

Workplace drama is not his favorite aspect of being captain. It only makes him less motivated to date, and besides, how does one date in space anyway? He assumes that he’ll meet someone later in life whenever he retires. People in this field usually settle down back on Earth or another allied territory at some point. The job is, in general terms, a lot on a person, and to be realistic, he doesn’t feel like he could ask someone to wait for him while he is away for, sometimes, years at a time. He knows from personal experience. His father was away most of his childhood, and he knew somewhere deep inside that his mother would have been proud of the choice he made to become a captain like his father. He always understood that this position is so much more than a job. It is life—sometimes an overbearing and lonely one, and he doesn’t want to do that to someone. He doesn’t want to leave a wife and family behind.

“So,” Aldrenn says, locking his fingers behind his head as he leans back in his chair, “how are things going, by the way? I guess I haven’t officially checked in with you for the report.”

Nate sets his feet on the desk, crossing his legs at the ankle. His uniform is the same style and color—dark blue—as Renn’s, the only difference being the ranking pin on his shoulder. The color complements his brown skin well.

“I’m happy to say, with the crew now at two hundred and seventy-four, everything is running smoothly. Would you honestly expect anything else with me in charge?”

Renn rolls his eyes again.

“I’ll send you an official report by tomorrow, I promise,” Nate adds.

They both sit in silence for a minute or two. It is an aspect of their relationship that Renn has always appreciated. They know when the other needs to talk, but also when being in each other’s company is enough. It makes life feel more grounded, something they can always count on. They never feel the need to fill the quiet moments with unnecessary noise.

The captain rises from his chair to gaze out the large window that takes up most of the office wall. “Do you ever find yourself thinking about home?” he unexpectedly asks, staring out into the great beyond of never-ending starlight.

“What do you mean? Like, Earth?” Nate asks, amused.

Renn turns to face him, nodding his head, hinting that he’s serious about the question.

Nate removes his feet from the desk, sitting up to answer. “Man, what is home? We spent seven years in the academy and then out here,” he says, motioning to the window. “When was the last time you were actually on Earth?”

Renn purses his lips in thought. “It’s been a long time. I had a captain’s council at a nearby station before we headed out a year ago. Never actually made it all the way back, but I wish I would have.”

“Why? Is there really anything to go back to?”

“Truthfully, not really. I don’t have any family there anymore, so there’s no reason to, I guess.” He immediately thinks of his grandparents, and even though they passed away years ago, he hopes wherever their souls are now that they are proud of him.

“Me either.”

Renn continues to stare out the window, lost in thought.

Nate studies his friend’s face for a long beat before he says, “What is it, Renn?”

The captain shrugs.

“You know, it’s completely normal to feel a little off after spending such a long time out here. You should go down to the health bay. We have those for more than just accidents and emergencies.”

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