Page 52 of The Darkest Parts of Me

“Oh, Renn . . .” I place a hand over my heart. “I don’t know what to say.”

He rubs a hand along his jaw, and I see tears brim in his eyes.

“I don’t ever want to assume anything, but I have thought about it . . . that if I were no longer here, it would be better, and I didn’t want you to think . . . I’m not saying that you would ever . . .” He stops, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking back at me. “I was out of line. I should never assume anything. I’m sorry.”

I reach for him, pulling his hands into mine. He stares at our hands for a moment, fingers tangled together before he goes on. “I shouldn’t have pushed into your life like that. I’m sorry if I crossed a line. That was never my intention.”

“I know, Renn. I know,” I say softly.

“I was just so scared, Maven.” His voice is strained, and he has to look away. I squeeze his hand, hoping to reassure him that I understand. “I didn’t want you to face it alone like I had to.”

I wrack my brain, searching for something profound to say. My heart is just heavy with gratefulness for all he has done for me. Because he’s not wrong; I honestly can’t say what would have happened if he hadn’t come over. I hope that I would have snapped out of it eventually, but it terrifies me that there’s a part of me that knows it could have gone another way just as easily.

“Renn. It’s okay.”

Relief spreads across his face. “I still carry my own demons day after day. I hope someday I will be strong enough to tell you about them. But for now, I hope you understand why I did what I did.”

“I do understand, and I’m not mad one bit. What you did . . . it means the world to me.”

He parts his lips to say something, but his phone starts buzzing, breaking the moment. He pulls back his hands to check it while I sit there, awkwardly watching as he reads the message, the tension in the room shifting.

“Sounds like things are busy at the shop today and they need extra help.” He slides the phone back into his pocket and quickly glances at my hands. I place them back in my lap and then fold them across my chest, not sure what else to do with them. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to go into town together, but . . .”

I start to shake my head. “Oh, it’s okay. No worries.” He smiles crookedly at me. “We can talk more later,” I add. “I’ll call Tasha and go to the coffee shop, but maybe . . . we can touch base later?”

The crooked smile turns into a wide grin, and my stomach does that fluttering thing again.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” He clears his throat. “Well, I better head out then,” he says, standing to grab his jacket and beanie off the back of the chair. I don’t attempt to not stare as I watch his every move intently. He shrugs on his jacket and slides the hat over his head. His eyes lock on mine as he adjusts the collar, placing the necklace back under his shirt.

“Renn. Thank you.” He scans my face. “Thank you for everything.”

And then I stand up and do something that makes my senses go wild. I step forward and place my hands on his forearms for leverage as I stretch on my tippy toes to reach up and kiss his cheek. I let my lips linger there for a second or two longer, and when I pull away, I’m almost positive he’s blushing.

He smiles down at me, our height difference more substantial standing this close to each other. “In case you didn’t know already, I’m here for you, for anything, okay?” he says. I nod in response. Then he looks at me like he wants to say something more, do something more. I can’t help watching his lips as they part slightly, but a second later, he says, “The weather seems to be letting up. Maybe if it’s still nice later, you could come with me and Shy for a walk. If you want.”

I grin. “That would be nice,” I say.

“I’ll let you know when I get home, okay?”

“Okay,” I say with a bittersweet smile, because I don’t want him to go yet.

“Come on, Shy,” he says.

I had almost forgotten Shy was there as she bounds off the couch without hesitation at his command and they both walk toward the door. But before he closes it behind himself, he, of course, winks, then shuts the door softly.

I exhale, wrapping my arms around myself, as I hear his truck start up and drive down the road. I look over at the kitchen table and decide to take a shower before getting to the dishes. Before jumping in, I look at myself in the mirror to find I have a stupid grin on my face that doesn’t want to go away, no matter how hard I try.

“What is happening right now?” I say to myself.

The basic answer is a friend came to my aid in a time of need. The complicated answer is that Renn, the man whom I have quickly developed feelings for, came for me. He had seen me at my absolute lowest and yet, he stayed.

He didn’t treat me like some breakable thing, he just didn’t want me to be alone. In this moment, I realize that sometimes being strong isn’t about facing things alone, because no one, not even Renn, can take the pain away for me. But just knowing he was there gave me the hope to not give up. I have my demons, just as he does, but I don’t have to endure them alone. I hope in some way I could do the same for him in one way or another.

For the first time in five years, I’m not dreading the future, instead, I face it, feeling lighter than I have in a long time.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Maven

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