Page 46 of The Darkest Parts of Me

“She called my mom this morning asking if we had spoken to her. She said she got a text from her last night but still hasn’t heard anything from her today. Her call went straight to voicemail. I’ve been trying to get a hold of Valery, but she must be busy.”

I take a deep breath. “I’ll go.”

“Renn.” Her tone is edged with worry, and for a moment, it’s all she can say. “Listen. What I’m about to tell you has to stay between us, okay? As my friend, and as Mave’s friend,” she says softly through the phone.

“I understand,” I reply, keeping my voice steady.

“She’s been more distant than usual these past couple of weeks, and I thought she’d be okay, but . . .” Another pause. “I’m scared for her, Renn.”

We’re both quiet for a few beats.

“This is about the accident. Isn’t it?”

Tasha doesn’t answer immediately, undoubtedly wondering what she should share with me, questioning what I already know.

“Today is the day when it happened.”

Tasha doesn’t need to say anything else. I know what was left unsaid. She trusts me, even if I don’t deserve it. “I’ll go,” I say abruptly. “I’ll go make sure she’s okay.”

There’s silence again on her end of the phone.

“She might not let you in.”

I know she doesn’t just mean inside the cabin. “I’m going to try.”

“Okay . . . but can I ask you something, Renn?”

“Of course.”

“Why did you lead her on? I thought something was going to happen between you two, but . . .”

I pinch the bridge of my nose then run a hand through my hair. “I know. I know. I, uh, I’ve been busy.”

She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. “Are you sure that’s all?” I don’t know what to say. and when I don’t reply, she adds. “Look I don’t know what happened, but I do know the way Maven is around you, and even when she says she doesn’t care, her face says something else.”

I still say nothing.

“I see that same look on your face, Renn.”

The tightness in my chest strains again, and I clear my throat before I reply. “I’m sorry. I should have done something sooner.”

Even though I can’t see her, I can hear the sad smile on her lips.

“It’s okay, Renn.” She sighs heavily, the rush of breath muffling the speaker. “Honestly, there’s probably a lot of things we all could have said and done better, but I think she would have found herself at this point eventually.”

I lick my lips. “I’ll let you know when I get a hold of her.”

“Thank you, Renn. I appreciate you looking out for her.”

I haven’t been looking out for her, not when she needed someone. It was cruel of me to give her all my attention and then none at all, but I intend to fix that now.

“You’re welcome. Bye, Tash.”

“Bye, Renn.”

I immediately store my tools and let the guys know I’m leaving for the day. Then I make a quick stop at home, mostly to take care of Shy, but I opt for a speedy shower as well. And now my knuckles are white, gripping the handles of the motorbike as I try to steady my hands from shaking. I didn’t even consider taking my truck. I just want to get to her as fast as possible. I typically follow actions based on logic, but there were many moments in my space endeavors when intuition played a major role. So, I follow that feeling inside me, the same feeling that brought me to this planet in the first place. Maven is in trouble, and it isn’t just my inner pull that is leading me to do this, it’s my own experience.

Flashes of images from when I was starving and floating in endless darkness come to mind. Even after all these years, whenever I recall those moments it still locks me up inside. I feel the chain lying against my chest underneath my clothing as I search for anything to comfort me.

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