Page 40 of The Darkest Parts of Me

“Thank you for nudging me to come on this retreat. And I’m sorry about my grumpiness today.”

She laughs lightly. “It’s okay, and maybe thank me after. It’s not over yet.”

“Okay, deal.”

I lie flat on my back, but I don’t feel tired with the butterflies still fluttering in my stomach.

I meant what I said, Renn makes me feel safe. He calms me, enough to share more with him, allowing me to be myself. I haven’t even been able to do that with Tash since everything happened. She’s always been supportive of me, but with Renn . . . he compelled me to share more, and what’s crazy is that I wanted to.

I close my eyes, trying to find sleep, but I hear Renn's voice in my head, his words a song in my mind. One thing in particular I can’t seem to shake from my consciousness is the look in his eyes when he spoke of space.

I think you’re right. I think there is more out there. Worlds and stars without end.

The tone of his voice when he said it sent a chill through me. It touched me somewhere deep within, and when I gazed into his eyes, I could have sworn I truly saw worlds without end flashing across his face, like he was reliving something that he knew to be true—like he wasn’t just satisfying my curiosity.

Eventually, the forest’s soothing sounds help my mind rest. I need to sleep to help my legs recuperate. I made it to the camp, but I haven’t been that sore in a long time, and like Tasha pointed out, the journey isn’t over yet. I worry that, while I have come a long way, there is a chance I won't make it to the end. As soon as the thought comes to mind, another one quickly follows. Even if I slip, fall, even if I need to rest a hundred times before we make it to the end, I know Renn will be there. That comforting thought swiftly takes away all my fears and doubts, and I fall into a deep sleep at last.

I hear the camp coming alive, long shadows of the trees from the morning light crossing over our tent. Excited chatter drifts throughout the camp, and I can’t help the rousing feeling growing in me as well. Tasha stirs in her cot.

“Good morning,” she says through a yawn.

“Morning!” I unzip my pack quickly, grab my toothbrush, and push through the tent flap, pulling on my dust- and dirt-coated hiking boots.

“Geez! How are you so awake already?” she groans into her pillow. I don’t stop to respond. I use my canteen to brush my teeth, quickly stuff it back inside my pack, and make my way over to the center of the camp, scanning for him. Many have already packed up their tents and are eating a breakfast of dried fruit and oatmeal; I don’t care nearly as much today that I have to eat the rubbery meal. Then, I spot Renn talking to a group of guys, his arms across his chest as he speaks. He’s wearing the same black beanie from last night, but has changed into a white shirt under a black jacket with dark jeans. As if he can feel my gaze, he turns, and when he sees me, he puts a hand up to excuse himself from the group and makes his way over to where I stand.

“Good morning.” His voice has a raspy, morning tenor to it, and I try to ignore the heated feeling it gives me.

“Hey. Did you sleep well?” I ask.

“I did. Very well, actually.” He nods, putting his hands in his pocket.

“I did too,” I say.

“Good.”

We smile foolishly at each other. His bright smile is even more radiant in the morning sun. The stubble on his face is the longest I’ve ever seen it—more rugged. I decide that Renn in a beanie is my favorite look on him, and if he added that jean jacket, I would be a goner.

“So, last night. It was . . . nice,” I say nervously. He steps a bit closer to me, and I feel my blood warming up.

“It was nice for me too.”

It’s undeniable that something is different between us now. If I had to attach a name to it, I’d call Renn a friend now, but is there more? While he’s still intimidating in many ways, I feel like the relationship growing between us has come about fast and easy, maybe with a couple bumps, but now we’re at a turning point. The more time we spend together, the stronger it grows, and last night, he made it clear he wanted to spend more time with me.

“So, are you ready for today?” he asks through a grin.

“I think so.”

For a split second, he looks down to my leg then back to my eyes as he asks, “Feel okay?”

I reach down to rub it, stretching it a little to test the soreness. I was so focused on finding him, I didn’t even register the tightness in my muscles until now.

My knee is a little tender.

“I feel good. I know the ointment helped a lot yesterday.”

He inhales deeply. “I’m glad. Really, Maven. I’m happy it helped you. And if you need to take breaks today, don’t feel bad about it. I’ll be with you the whole way.”

I assumed he would be hiking with Tasha and me today, but hearing him say it fills my heart with warmth, and the fluttering feeling in my stomach grows.

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