Page 37 of The Darkest Parts of Me

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Renn

When the three of us finally arrive at camp for the evening, most of the group already has their tents up and fires going for the night. I glance over at Maven as I hear her walk up beside me, her troubled expression taking in the campsite.

“We made it!” Tasha exclaims with a huff, coming up on the other side. She quickly scans the scene. “It looks pretty flat over there. Should we set up the tent, Mave?” she asks.

Maven places her hands on her hips and takes a deep breath, and with a sharp tone replies, “Sure.”

“If you need to rest, I can set it . . .”

“No. I’m fine,” Maven snaps, cutting her off. Tasha is taken aback, so she adds, “Sorry. Yes, I’m good. Let’s go.” She walks past me without giving me a glance or goodbye.

Tash shrugs with wide eyes, and she mouths I don’t know. “See you later, Renn,” she says out loud, then follows her.

“Later,” I say, raising a hand in goodbye. I watch them for a moment as they begin to pull out the supplies from their packs. Tasha watches Maven carefully, as a concerned friend would, but they don’t speak.

There’s a clearing a little further off from the group, beside two large spruce trees, and I decide to unpack there. It takes me longer than normal to get my space set up and secured—I’m distracted, playing through the day in my head. I change into a dark green sweatshirt and grab a beanie from my pack before I make my way over to the larger fire set up in the middle of camp. The sun is almost completely gone as the heaviness of darkness in the forest sinks in for the night.

The voices surrounding the fire become more clear as I inch closer. Maven and Tasha are already eating dinner, which is some sort of a beef stew. Tasha is engaged in conversation with a few other people sitting around them, but Maven stares blankly into the fire as she holds her bowl of food in her hands, untouched. She changed into a gray hoodie and black beanie, looking cozy but not content. She looks up, her eyes immediately finding mine over the flames. Her eyebrows knit together, her mouth parting slightly. I give her a small smile, and she smiles back, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. We study each other for a few seconds, and then she rises from her seat, sets down the bowl, and wanders toward the trees.

My gaze follows her until she disappears into the dense forest, and without a second thought, I grab a lantern nearby and follow her. I have a feeling she wants me to follow her, but I still feel my heart make a nervous jump in my chest as I navigate through the maze of trees. The air is chilly as it touches my skin; every step gets darker and colder, but I chase her, knowing where it will lead me. After a few more yards, I see her in a clearing, sitting on a fallen log and looking up into the night sky. The moonlight illuminates a perfect spotlight around her, and she doesn’t turn to face me as I set the lantern down and sit beside her. I gaze up to the sky too.

“Do you want to be alone?”

She sighs heavily. “No.”

There’s a sad smile on her lips as she gazes up into the firmament above. I want her to go on, but I don’t want to push her while she’s clearly working through something. The stillness of the forest around us invokes a calming essence.

“Sorry about earlier,” she says, finally looking at me. “It’s been a hard day. I didn’t mean to take it out on you and Tash. It was very kind of you to stay back with us.”

“I was happy to.”

She scoffs lightly at this.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just my wounded pride, I guess.”

I mull over her words for a beat or two. “What do you mean?” I ask, cocking my head.

She looks at me with an intense gaze. “I didn’t want you to see me struggle today. It’s . . . embarrassing, and even with that magic ointment stuff . . . What is that exactly?” I shrug to play it off like it’s no big deal. “Well, whatever it is, it helped a lot, but I still fell so far behind. I didn’t realize how far we really were until I saw camp was already completely set up.”

I’m surprised by her response, not only for the fact that she thought it was an inconvenience to me to stay behind with her, but also because that wasn’t what I saw at all. I feel a sharpness in my chest.

“Maven. You have it all wrong.”

Her eyebrows raise in surprise, and I search her eyes like I’m still looking into the never-ending night sky.

“I watched you overcome something difficult. Which you handled with grace, by the way.” She swallows nervously. “You were fighting, not struggling.”

She takes a sharp inhale of breath, looking down at her feet, then shakes her head, chuckling. “Renn. You don’t have to say that.”

I scoot closer to her, the movement causing her to bring her eyes back to mine. “I'm serious. I’m glad I got to experience it with you.”

“Why?” Her voice is soft, almost a whisper.

The lantern light casts a soft glow across her face. She’s beautiful. Her blue eyes sparkling in the darkness as she searches mine. My heart beats fast in my chest, and I don’t remember ever having this nervous, exhilarating feeling with anyone. I get the overwhelming urge to lean over and kiss her, but I won’t.

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