Page 120 of Vengeful Vows

He’s as much at fault as I am.

28

DECLAN

I curse, slamming my fist into the wall, right by where Bree was standing. My fist goes through the sheetrock. I remove it with a wince and my knuckles are bleeding.

Usually, when I’m in the midst of an argument, I know that I’m right. Right now, I’m not sure.

Bree said some things that make sense—I had taken her from her home, her family. I imprisoned her here, and now I’m punishing her for trying to get out?

But on the other hand, she told me that she loved me. She’d said that she feels the same way about me as I do about her, and that implies trust. She could have come to me. She could have asked me if she could go.

Would I have taken that well, though?

I sigh, knowing that I wouldn’t have. We would have had this same fight, and maybe I’d feel just as betrayed.

I head into the bathroom in the hallway, bandaging my knuckles, because I’m going to need to go to the gym. I can’t stay here, god knows, and I can’t keep pretending like everything’s okay when everything’s falling apart around me.

I don’t bother calling Cillian, knowing that I’ll be terrible company. I just drive there like a maniac, trying not to think.

What if Bree’s right? What if we’re just like Murphy?

She’s definitely right about the dust, and she’s right that it’s hooked a lot of people. How many bullets from my guns have gone into women? Children?

I’ve wanted this fight to be over for so long, but I’d never quite understood that we’re also in the wrong.

When I arrive at the gym, I run on the treadmill until I want to throw up, and then go over to the punching bag, beating the hell out of it.

Each sting in my knuckles reminds me of the bruises I’ve probably left on Bree’s shoulders. Each sting reminds me of the ache in my heart.

She betrayed me.

But why am I so shocked? I knew it all along. I knew she was a Murphy at heart.

Bree made some good points in that argument, though, I have to admit. She’s right. We do bad things. We tell ourselves it’s for the greater good, but is it?

Da always says that if we didn’t run drugs and guns, someone less responsible would. And maybe he’s right, but that doesn’t make it moral. Bree said that our family was just a different kind of monster, and that makes more sense to me than I like to admit.

Cillian walks in just as I’m punching the bag so hard that it shakes on the hook.

“Declan? What are you doing here?”

I grunt, punching the bag again.

“Declan,” he says again softly, catching my arm. “Your hand... it’s bleeding.”

When I pull away, blood is running down my arm. I curse and walk toward the locker room. Cillian follows me.

“Why are you following me around instead of working out?” I snap.

He holds up his hands. “Because you’re my friend and you’re clearly upset. What’s going on?”

I slam the locker door shut after grabbing my towel to wrap around my bleeding knuckles. They were already injured. It’s no wonder I’m bleeding.

“She did it. She betrayed us.”

Cillian doesn’t look shocked. “Is it really that much of a betrayal?”

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