Page 20 of Exile and Embrace

She’s silent as I drive us over to the office. She heads inside to drop off the key while I sit behind the wheel, drumming my fingers against the leather.

When she returns to the car, she reclines her seat and closes her eyes, sliding her sunglasses off the top of her head and over her face.

I frown, watching her dark eyes disappear behind the mirrored lenses.

Ava crosses her arms behind her head and stretches her long legs out in front of her. “So, what’s the plan once we get to Oregon? Other than pretending that we like each other enough to get engaged.”

“Yeah, that’s going to be a tough sell.” I mentally kick myself for being a jackass, but it’s for the best.

I need to remember that this is fake, and if making her hate me does that, then that is what I’m going to do.

As I head for the highway, I try not to think about how much this entire job is going to suck my soul from my body. I know that I’m going to be fighting myself every step of the way, and I need to take Ava out of that equation.

I don’t need any temptation to say fuck it all and spend days with her in bed instead of doing my job.

“Alright, crank-ass. Why don’t we talk like civilized people? Just because we slept together, things don’t have to get weird.”

“It’s better if we talk to each other as little as possible.”

Ava sighs, her gaze burning into the side of my head. “Finn, I’m sorry about last night. We shouldn’t have gone there, and I shouldn’t have teased you. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy myself, because I did, but it was a line that we shouldn’t have crossed.”

Somehow, hearing her say the words out loud hurts more than having them circle through my mind over and over again.

“When we get to Oregon, there is going to be a house ready for us. It’s going to be small, but it’s in a nicer neighborhood. I have to get close to the leader of the mob there.”

“Do I want to know what you’re going to do to him once you get close to him?” Ava’s tone is hesitant.

She knows who I am. Who my father trained me to be.

“I’m not going to tell you that. It’s better if you have as little involvement with the mob as possible. I told you before and I meant it, I don’t want to put you in danger. You’re going to have to interact with them a little to keep up our act, but I’m not going to let you get too deep into that world.”

Ava scoffs and when I glance over at her, she’s glaring at me over the top of her sunglasses. “I appreciate that you want to protect me, but I’m already in that world. My father wasn’t a good man. I don’t know how deep his ties run, but I’m no stranger to how horrible people can be. If you need me to do something, I will try to do whatever I can to help you.”

“Ava, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

Except, there’s a part of me that knows she is saying exactly what she means. She wouldn’t be able to get her hands on that many guns without having ties to the underground. Whatever her brother-in-law is involved in taints her life too.

“Yes, I do. I need you to be there for me until I have my answers, so I’m vowing to be there for you. We are in this together no matter what. We are only done when both of us are done. Can I count on you to be there for me? To be there for me even after you have done your job if I’m not done yet?”

I want to be the one person who doesn’t send her life spiraling out of control. I don’t want to drag her any deeper than she has to be.

But I also want to be there for her. I want to show her that I’m nothing like my brother. I want her to count on me.

She is a light in my life and selfish as it may be, I want her there, even if it is better if she wasn’t. Safer.

“Do we have a deal, Finn?”

I sigh. “Fine, we have a deal.” I just hope I’m doing the right thing.

Because if my father or brother find out who is playing this game of pretend with me, there is going to be hell to pay.

It’s not really my world I’m protecting her from. It’s my family.

“We’ve been driving for four hours,” Ava says as we pull into a gas station. She stretches and gets out of the car, bending over to look at me. “Sooner or later, you’re going to have to give up control and let me drive again.”

“I’m good.”

I get out of the car and slide the keys into my pocket.

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