Page 11 of Exile and Embrace

The thoughts spiral through my mind as I stand in the intake room, staring down at a bag full of things that used to be mine. There’s a faded wallet with a cracked ID and an expired pack of gum. A few loose coins jingle around in the bottom of the bag. My mother’s gold chain tangles around it all.

“Well, hurry up,” Officer Topp says as he enters the room and looks at the bag still in my hands. He holds out an envelope. “This is your remaining mail and the payout the prison gives to get you started in your new life.”

Topp chuckles like he’s told the greatest joke in the world as I take the envelope. I tuck the bag beneath my arm to open the envelope, closing it again after glancing at the new ID and credit cards in there.

I’m not surprised. With how obsessed Dad is with taking Oregon, he would have planned most of the small details. Leaving me to find my own fiancée was to satiate his sick sense of humor.

Three years in prison with no visitors and then I have to ask people for a favor.

Yeah, Dad would get off on that.

I tuck the envelope in my back pocket before opening the bag. The only thing I take out is Mom’s gold chain and the wallet. I shove the wallet back with the envelope before putting on the chain and tucking it beneath my shirt.

It’s the only thing of hers that I have left.

My body is numb as Topp leads me out of the intake room and outside to a path made of chain link fencing.

The sun shines bright, and the air is warm. The need to keep moving rushes through me.

I don’t want to stop long enough for them to tell me that this was all a cruel joke. That I’m not actually free after three long years.

We walk down the length of the passage before coming to a guard booth.

Topp nods to the other guard, and a door in the fence swings open, revealing the parking lot.

I’m one step away from the world outside. One step away from being a free man.

Yet, for a moment, it feels wrong to try to take that step.

Squaring my shoulders, I take it anyway.

As my foot settles on the other side of my home for the last three years, the weight of the prison slides from my shoulders.

No more sleeping in a cement room on a cold bed. No more nights with screams as soundtrack and fear as your bed partner.

Tonight, I get to sleep on a soft bed with a warm blanket covering me.

Tonight, for the second time in three years, I get to sleep.

That reminds me of Ava and her kindness in letting me crash in the infirmary. That was the first night I slept.

But tonight will be different. Tonight, I’ll be free.

No more guards coming around in the morning, making sure that the beds are made properly.

I’m finally free.

Outside of the prison walls, the sun on my skin feels different. The rays are warmer, and the breeze is stronger. The scent of the trees surrounding the prison wafts over to me as a shining black sedan comes to a stop along the curb.

The window rolls down, and Ava gives me a tight smile, large reflective sunglasses perched on her slim nose.

She doesn’t bother to say anything, rolling her window back up.

I stride away from the prison and around the back of the car.

Am I doing the right thing?

Maybe I should have picked someone else to pretend to be my fiancée. Being trapped in a car with Ava from Nashville to Portland is going to be hell.

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