Page 88 of Exile and Embrace

There’s still a lot we have to talk about, but I don’t want to get into it in front of Aunt Courtney. Zoe deserves to have the truth come from me when we’re alone and have time to talk about it.

Aunt Courtney starts rambling about some work she’s doing in the garden while I slip Lola pieces of beef beneath the table.

For the first time in a long time, it feels like I’m sitting down to have a normal family dinner. I doubt that it’s ever going to happen again, or at least any time soon, so I savor the moment while I can.

Once the plates are cleared from the table and the dishes are washed, me and Zoe head out and get into my car, both of us lost to our own worlds as I drive out to a lookout for sunset. Soft music plays through the car, filling the silence so I don’t have to.

When we reach the lookout, I back the car up toward the railing before turning it off.

We get out and sit on the trunk, leaning back against the window to look up at the sky.

Streaks of pink and orange start to overtake the blue.

Zoe sighs. “How bad is it?”

“Here?” I shrug before linking my hands together behind my head. “It’s really not that bad. I like it. Takes some time getting used to the rain.”

She laughs, rolling her eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant. How bad is whatever you found out about Dad?”

“I know Dad tried to sell you to sex traffickers, but how bad was it really?” My voice is strained as I look at her, tears already making my eyes burn. “I need to know, Zoe. Please.”

Zoe’s jaw flexes as she stares up at the sky. “It wasn’t good. He wasn’t just selling me, he was selling my virginity to the highest bidder. First to Christian, then to the traffickers, when things with them became worse than he expected. I don’t think he ever counted on Christian coming for me.”

I know how much she was willing to sacrifice, making no waves when Dad told her she had to marry Christian. I’m so glad he loves her to death.

“But the worst part was seeing him there. For a second, I thought he had come to save me. To take me away from that cell, from that nightmare.”

She shakes her head and I grab her hand in both of mine. I have no idea how painful her memories are, but I can at least remind her she is no longer there.

“I’m so sorry.”

She smiles as tears track down her face, her eyes turning to me. “It’s not your fault.” She pats my hand with her free one before turning back to stare at the horizon.

“He just looked at me like… like I was something to be pitied. Not like his daughter. And when the other guy came, all he cared about was whether the debt was paid.”

Her eyes close and her chin touches her chest.

Whatever she is remembering, it’s bad. I squeeze her hands.

“When the guy said no, he…” she took a deep breath as my lungs stopped working altogether. This was it, her secret. “He offered you to them to.”

My mind just fills with white noise. No thoughts at all.

My sister’s body starts shaking and heart-wrenching sobs rip from her. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t tell you. You loved him. I couldn’t do that to you. It crushed me. How could I crush you? It wasn’t fair.”

“It’s okay.” I hold her as tight as I can. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again, but this is not her fault. “I’m sorry for pushing you so hard.”

She shakes her head. “No. You were right to. I should have told you. I didn’t want to ruin your memory of him, though. And I was so scared. And how could I just come home and tell you that?” She is shaking her head as if trying to erase all her thoughts, all her memories. Of that time. Of our dad.

Her words cut through me, a knife driven straight through my heart. Tears stream down my cheeks as I struggle to get in a full breath of air.

Our own father tried to sell both of us to sex traffickers. He cared for the two of us so little that he was willing to get rid of us. We were like prized cattle, nothing more. And our mother just stood by and allowed it all to happen.

My stomach ties itself into knots just thinking about what could have become of my life.

Our parents never really loved us. We were pawns in their game. Something that they could use when the right time came.

This is worse than I thought.

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