Page 80 of Exile and Embrace

But why keep it a secret?

Maybe my birth mom decided that she didn’t want me?

Aunt Courtney blinks back tears. “I wish that someone else would have told you. Nadia used to come back here with him on every trip. Both of them loved you.”

“Do you think they were planning to make me look like hers from the beginning?” I have to force the words out. My voice sounds strangled as Lola trots back and dumps her stick in my lap.

I toss the stick for her, watching her chase after it as Aunt Courtney picks at a loose thread in her jeans.

She shakes her head. “No. I don’t think that they were planning it. I think that they all got along, and then at some point, your father started loving Nadia far more than he ever did Becca.”

“Becca? As in O’Reilly?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t think…”

“Please, Aunt Courtney. I need to know who I am.”

Her bottom lip wavers and her shoulders sag.

She nods. “She used to be Becca Hammer back then, but yes.”

“Becca’s my mom…” I’m shaking me head. My world is so far off its axis that I’m about to drown.

My aunt touches my hand.

I look at her. “Dad’s ex-girlfriend is married to one of the most dangerous men in Oregon.”

She nods.

“My fiancé’s boss.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re sure Becca O’Reilly is the woman who gave birth to me?” I cross my arms, trying to hold myself together so I don’t fall apart.

I’ve spent evenings with the woman, and she never once mentioned that she was my mother. She smiled and laughed, treating me like a friend.

Does she know who I am? Does she even care?

My mouth goes dry, and my body is numb as I start to analyze every interaction with Becca I’ve had.

Nothing would have given her away as the woman who gave birth to me.

I choke back the tears, gasping for air. I can’t seem to get a deep enough breath, even as I link my hands behind my head and stretch my elbows out wide to open my chest.

This is all too much. I never thought that coming to Portland would lead me to a mother I didn’t even know I had to find.

I take another moment to gather myself before looking at my aunt. “Will you go with me to see her? I don’t think that I can do this on my own.”

Aunt Courtney nods. “Give me a minute to get Lola settled and grab my keys.”

She whistles to Lola and takes her inside, the screen door swinging shut behind them.

I run my hands down my face, taking deep breaths and trying not to freak out more than I already have.

Becca O’Reilly is my mother.

Is that why my mother never showed me love? Because I’m not hers?

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