Page 60 of Absolution

We have to lift the stroller down two stone steps and Evan keeps the door open with a foot while we maneuver past the obstacles.

“Couldn’t you have found a smaller place?”

He laughs. “I like it here. They have a mean espresso. What can I get you?”

“Chocolate muffin, and a latte.”

“Coming right up.” He turns toward the counter as Cecilia throws up her deep brown eyes and peers curiously around her.

“And a carton of apple juice, if they have any,” I half-shout.

He waves in acknowledgement.

“Hey, sweetheart. Wanna sit on my lap?”

“Sit. Come,” she exclaims and raises her chubby little arms toward me. I unbutton her yellow spring jacket and pull it off her before I hoist her up.

“Mommy, nam-nam?”

I laugh. The little sweet-tooth. “Mommy’s only having coffee.” I wince when I realize I’m lying. “And we’ll share yum,” I add.

Cecilia beams up at me and then takes stock of our surroundings as Evan comes back with two cups, one small and one large, placing them on the table. On instinct I immediately push mine out of Cecilia’s too-long reach.

“Hey, little one,” he says and bends over to catch her attention. Her eyes fixate on his beard and her mouth falls open as she reaches for him. “Look what Uncle Evan’s got!” He holds up the apple juice and a big grin spreads on my daughter’s face as she glances between me and the packet. Cecilia looks more and more like Christian every day, and when she smiles, it’s almost as if his soul makes a brief visit. It still hurts. It’s been almost six months, and I wonder when I’ll ever be free of him.

I pull myself back to the present and nod. “Go ahead. It’s for you, sweetie.” She reaches for it, and I mouth a thank you to my ex-husband.

“So, Kerry, what’ve you been up to? And a baby? Oh my God!”

“Are you still with that blonde?” I counter. I don’t care, he can have a harem of blondes, or any color of women, but I want to deflect that question.

He has the decency to blush. He always did blush easy. “No,” he mumbles. It only lasted a few months.”

“Way to go to end a marriage over.”

“Ker, I never told you how sorry I am.”

“Yeah, you did. I think that was all I heard for about seven months while our lawyers settled the deal.”

Evan looks at his espresso. “I fucked up,” he mumbles.

“Yeah, you really did.”

Cecilia reaches for the muffin, and I break a little piece for her.

“I’m not doing well, Kerry.”

Something in his voice makes me look up and study him closer. “What happened?”

“I really screwed things up at work. I… borrowed some money…”

“Borrowed?”

Evan squirms. “I was stupid.”

I tense. My alarm bells go off. Something is off. Way off. “Exactly how stupid?”

It’s obvious that he itches to speak, that he carries a burden he can’t manage on his own. I’m not the one he should talk to, though. We haven’t spoken in years. There’s gotta be someone else.

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