Page 51 of Absolution

When she’s left, I realize I forgot to tell her Christian is still breathing. Well, she’s probably relieved he’s gone anyway, so I’ll leave it the way it is.

Kerry

My back crawls as I leave the mansion. The guards follow me with their eyes as I kick my scooter alive and take off down the street. Right around the corner, out of sight, I stop, tear off my helmet and throw up in the bushes by the side of the road, chills running down my spine, sweat breaking out on my forehead. I feel like I’ve escaped death by a hair’s breadth.

If I felt like a prisoner before, hiding from Christian, fleeing, having no life, it’s nothing to what I feel now. I’m just a puppet in Salvatore’s game, disposable. He said it. I have no choice but to do what he says, or I’ll be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. My stomach clenches and a bitter taste of bile lingers in my mouth. Shuddering, I push the helmet back on, hop on my Vespa and fly down the long, winding road as if I have the devil on my back, tears streaming down my cheeks.

I miss Christian so much. I think I could have talked to him. I think he would have listened, stayed on my side.

Or am I wrong? Am I brainwashed? A victim of Stockholm Syndrome?

When I have locked my door behind me, I run up the stairs and curl up on my bed, images rushing through my head. Christian when we first met, his black eyes glittering, his touch hot. Christian with death in his eyes. Christian becoming a father, transforming into the true meaning of the word. Christian being a mobster, a murderer, a close relative to the monster I just escaped.

I should be glad he’s dead, but it’s not what my heart screams during sleepless nights.

My heart weeps in sorrow.

---