Page 37 of Absolution

“The river is empty all the way down to the lake which has frozen over. There’s no use in keep on looking. We’ll see what washes up in April.”

“You do believe me, don’t you?”

“With the statements from people in town who met him, all the blood in the house that matches neither you nor Mr. McGonaghan, the car next to Ray’s down the road, yes, everything indicates things happened more or less the way you described them.”

I fall back against the pillow. “Good.”

“And I read your journals.”

I stiffen and stare at him in horror. “You did what?”

“We had to exclude you as a suspect. We don’t leave stones unturned.”

I’m too shocked to respond. Everything is in there. All the things I’ve never told anyone but Chloe.

Tremblay’s eyes bore into mine. “Who is Christian Russo?”

I swallow hard as sweat breaks out on my forehead. This is it. I’m fucked. I wrote his name. Why the hell did I write his name? His full fucking name!

“Kerry?”

My heart turns into a hard lump of pure fear. Tell on the mob and die. I know how this will go. I won’t be safe anywhere. I know it won’t be Christian. There’s not a chance in hell it will be Christian, even if he lives. But someone will find me and end me. A hole opens up beneath me and it feels as if I’m falling into a black, cold void.

Me. And maybe Cecilia too.

That can’t happen.

“We do have a few Christian Russos on the north American continent. The car didn’t lead us anywhere. We’ve found no DNA match. Who is this man? Why did you withhold his full name?”

I hear Tremblay as if from a distance. I’m frozen in terror. I can’t tell the truth. It’s out of the question.

“What I went through, Officer, has nothing to do with what happened to Ray. The man who was with me didn’t murder Ray. Whatever happened, it was an accident.”

“Kerry. I need your complete cooperation in this matter. Was it this Russo who was with you?”

I wince. “Am I under arrest?”

Tremblay looks a bit taken aback, and then he shakes his head.

“So I’m free to leave?”

“You’re an illegal immigrant. You’ve stayed in our country without a visa for either work, or vacation. Canada isn’t the US. You can’t just cross the border and make a life for yourself here without a permit.”

“I’ve neither worked nor relaxed,” I sneer. “We fled for our lives! Is this going somewhere?”

“Are you afraid to talk? Is someone threatening you? Talk to me. The police can protect you.”

I scoff. No, they can’t.

He nods at Cecilia who is sleeping peacefully next to me, her fever gone, her chest rising and falling evenly. “She’s his child, isn’t she? That’s no ‘night on the town’.”

I look away, my eyes brimming with tears.

“Why didn’t you tell us? Did you have a relationship with this man? Explain it to me. I’m a simple man. Sometimes I just don’t understand. Are you protecting him right now? What aren’t you telling us?”

“Nothing,” I cry. “I didn’t have a relationship with him. It was a stupid mistake. He stalked me. I fled here. He followed. Saved Cecilia. Disappeared. That’s all there is to it. I held back, yes. I was ashamed. But that’s the whole truth!” My heart pounds. I don’t want to tell him about how bad I hurt. How much I ache for him. It’s nobody’s business.

He is quiet for a while and all that is heard is Cecilia’s light snoring. “You kept the baby,” he says quietly.

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