Page 29 of Absolution

Funny how long ago that seems, when I climbed in through my kitchen window. The days and nights have melted into each other and I’m not even sure how long he’s been with us anymore. Forever it seems. Maybe he has really been with me forever? Maybe it was always us? Ever since I first met him I’ve never been fully free of him, not since the moment I looked into his eyes, turning toward him in the bar, losing track of time and place.

Almost two years ago.

Since his arrival here I haven’t had the time, or the energy, to dwell much on those old things. Or on anything beyond him, me, and Cecilia. Things have just… happened, and I’ve had to live them.

I shake my head. I’m exhausted and can’t think anymore.

It’s straight ahead on the plateau for a while now, and then it’s downhill. We should have an hour left. I have no energy left whatsoever, but Christian’s relentless marching and Cece’s flushed face gives me that extra boost I need every time I feel like just giving up.

“I think we’re through the worst,” I pant.

He gives me a pale grin. “That’s good, Ker. I’m beginning to completely lose feeling in my feet.”

“What?”

“My shoes aren’t exactly cut out for this.”

“Oh my God! We have to take a look!”

“No.”

“Bu—”

“No. We move on. That’s the only thing we’re gonna do. No rest. No looking.”

I narrow my eyes as I regard him. My chest tightens from the tone of his voice. He’s worried. If he’s worried…

“Okay. Down through there now. Here, let me take her.”

He hands me Cece. She squirms and moans. I lay my cheek against her forehead and the lump of fear grows in my chest. She’s hot. The adrenaline gives me new energy and we keep walking.

“Whoa! Hold it!”

“What?” I glance up from under my ski cap that has slid too low without me even noticing it.

“Are you sure this is the straightest way?”

He’s pointing at a sudden slope where the ground seems to disappear into nowhere, a ravine, maybe fifteen feet deep and thirty feet wide. I take a step closer to get a better view, but he stops me as I stagger and slide.

“Careful! Want me to take her?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m fine.”

I’m confused. I didn’t know this was here, but then again, maybe I’ve never been all the way up here before.

“Are we on the right path at least?” he asks with a new edge in his voice.

His eyes are dull and tired, his cheeks flushed, and the stubble has begun to grow into a short scruffy beard. He looks like a very tired caveman. I raise my gaze to the pale sun and think of the directions. I’m good with directions, always have been, it’s like I have an inner map I follow, a compass guiding me through the terrain. God, I wish I had a similar built-in device for everything else in my life.

“Yes. It’s that way.” I point right across the ravine.

His eyes narrow. “Are you sure?”

I nod.

He takes a couple of steps closer to the edge and glances over it and then across to the other side. “There’s a river down there. And it’s too deep, this whole fuckery. We can’t get across it here. Do you know where it leads to?”

I shake my head, my mind rapidly filling with dread and despair. This is it. I can’t take this. We can’t pass and I just don’t know what to do. We’re not going to make it. I’m so tired. I just want to sit down and—

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