Page 96 of Absolution

Twenty-Four

Kerry

I wake and have no idea where I am or what time it is. Cecilia is sleeping, snuggled up between my arm and my chest, and seeing her it all comes rushing back. From somewhere comes voices, hushed but upset. I free myself of Cecilia and pat the sideboard to find my phone.

1:03 a.m.

I stand and tiptoe to the door that’s slightly ajar. A sliver of light comes through the opening and I push the door a little more open to hear better.

“You shouldn’t be here, Christian.” Carmen’s voice is both pleading and upset.

“I can’t stay away.”

Christian’s low growl, the despair in his voice, sends a shiver running down my back.

“You’re drunk. Go home.”

“I’ve done… things. I can’t… She’ll never forgive me.”

“Ay Dios mio! Hombres! You’re impossible! Sleep it off. Stop wallowing in what has been and look forward instead. Kerry is confused and hurt, and it will take her some time to come around. Give her that time. Now shoo, get out of here.”

There’s a rustle, a shuffle of feet.

“Christian, I can’t move you. It’s like trying to lift a montaña. Do you want me to call Ivan?”

“No, fuck.” He groans.

More shuffling.

A door slams. Silence.

I lay awake for a long time, hugging Cecilia to me, reliving the moment over and over when they took her from me. I don’t know if I care what they did to Evan anymore. I hold her little body and I can’t help thinking that it really was him, and him alone, who did this to us. I hope he rots, wherever he is.

I don’t see Christian the next day. Lucas drives us home.

“Did you work for Salvatore, Lucas?”

The tall man, sporting a giant beard, and a thick mane of blond hair tied back in a ponytail gives me a quick glance. “That was a long time ago.”

“What was it like? What’s he like? Did you work with Christian?”

Lucas sighs. “Look, Kerry, I understand that you wanna know, but I have put that behind me, and I’m never opening that lid again.” He’s silent for a while, then he adds, “I did work with Christian. He was one of the worst.”

It hits me hard, like a punch to my chest.

He was one of the worst.

I fight to breathe, fight to hold back the tears.

Lucas shoots me a glance again, and doesn’t speak until we pull up outside my house. As he closes the car door after Cecilia and I have climbed out, he looks at me with such a serious expression that my gut clenches. “These are dangerous people, Kerry. Take care of yourself. Take a stance, try to stay away. For her.” He nods at Cecilia, then he raises his hand, hops in the car and leaves us on the sidewalk, my heart shattered.

Stay away.

I don’t have the luxury of a choice.

I know I should, but I don’t know if I have the strength to even try.

I spend the day at Mom’s. I’ll never tell her what happened. There’s no need to worry her. I have secrets that have piled up for years. This is just another one. I end up spending the night too, twisting and turning on her sofa bed, unable to sleep, wondering if Christian has come by my house and found it empty.

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