Page 53 of Absolution

Nathan goes serious and my heart plummets. “It’s like the two of you are connected. Kerry and your kid resurfaced in San Francisco yesterday. She just popped up at Salvatore’s. He almost freaked. And there’s not much that rattles that bastard.”

Everything stops. Inside me. In the room. There’s a low hum from the air conditioning, and that’s all I hear.

“Chris?” Nathan’s voice penetrates from afar.

“She’s alive? The baby?”

“Seems that way,” he says.

“And back home?”

“Seems that way.”

“Did she mention me?”

“Luci didn’t say shit, just that she was back.”

I’m so fucking stupid. Why would she wanna see me? Why would she ask for me? She must think I’m dead, and maybe she’s better off that way? Maybe, this time, I really should stay away? I’ve paid my dues, redeemed myself, I know that. If I seek her out, I’ll just fuck everything up again, because that’s me, that’s what I do.

“Nate.”

“Yeah?”

“Get me out of here. Now. I can’t stay a minute longer; I can’t breathe in here.”

Nathan regards me a long while, then he nods. “I’ll take you home.”

I grab his arm. “Your home. I can’t… I can’t go back home like this.”

My brother, one of two, maybe three people in the world that I trust, grabs my hand. “No worries, dude. I got you.”

“Don’t tell Luci I’m awake.”

Nathan frowns. “He probably knows already, Chris. He’s footing the bill. They’re all his staff. Look, I don’t know what you think will happen, but he’s been worried sick.”

“Him? Worry?” I manage to grit out a laugh, which I regret when it sends me into a coughing fit that never seems to end.

“You’re fucking lucky to be alive.” Nathan tsks and shakes his head.

“Lucky,” I say bitterly. “It’d have been better for everyone if I’d died.”

“Dude! Don’t go fucking depressed on me, or I’ll leave you here to rot. Get yourself together and get up on your legs. You’ll be fine.

I scoff, but snap my mouth closed. He’s right. I’m wallowing. I don’t wallow, I don’t feel, I act.

I’ll bounce back. I’ll be fine.

*San Francisco*

Kerry

I visited the center today.

There was only one person I recognized, an elderly lady I haven’t talked a lot to. Chloe hasn’t been seen or heard from in a long time. It hurts. She was, along with Mom, the one I really longed for. They think she moved, but no one knows a forwarding address.

I called Gayle. She screamed. I’m gonna have to tell them something and I’m petrified. I’ve been away from people for so long that I don’t know how to get back into socializing. But somewhere deep inside it feels amazing that they’ll take me back even though I pushed them away.

I feel blessed

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