Page 20 of The Hitman's Vice

“The first one.” Because he wasn’t braveenough to face the second. He’d done the right thing—but doing theright thing felt worse than doing a lifetime of bad ones if it costyou your heart.

“Figured you’d forgotten all of it,” shesaid after three more heartbeats.

“I’ve tried.”

She pulled her ponytail forward, toying withthe ends of her hair. “You did an excellent impression ofsucceeding.”

“So did you.”

Her cheeks colored. “Maybe I was waiting foryou to explain how promises to me didn’t mean as much as apromotion.”

She might as well have hit him. “That’s notwhat fucking happened.”

“Whatever.” She twisted a lock of hairaround her finger. “If you’re about to lecture me on how I behaved,please skip it. I think I’ve proved I learned my lessons since.Watch my drinks, don’t go out without you guys, and don’t expectanyone to choose—”

“What?” It was his turn to look at her likeshe’d started speaking a foreign language. “The hell are youtalking about?” He snagged the remote off the sofa and switched theTV off. The silence roared around them. “You have to know why itwent down that way, Zara.”

“Because you were disappointed and pissedoff at me? Because you couldn’t believe I’d been that stupid? Youmade that perfectly clear when you went running to Dad.”

“Because I understood why you’d run thatrisk, Z! And I was damn sure not about to let Ben keep—”

“And you absolutely hated that I kissed youon top of all that.” Zara pursed her lips and glanced at him, halfover her shoulder as if she couldn’t quite make herself turn towardhim.

“That’s not true.”Okay, it’s a littletrue.But not the way she thought.

“Regardless, I was too busy sulking aboutyour disinterest and being an absolute brat to thank you properly.Which probably didn’t help.” She exhaled. “I do understand why youtold Dad. Now, at least. But it took a couple years. And by thattime, I figured you liked the not-so-friends routine.”

“I hated it.” The truth tore itself out ofhis heart. Zara wiped her cheek.

“So did I.”Just like that, threelittle syllables sucked all the air out of his lungs. So did thetears glittering in her eyelashes.

And look where this shitty conversationleads. Now she’s upset.He rose from the couch, pushed theplates out of the way, and sat on the coffee table in front of her.The movement startled her into raising her eyes, and he took hischance, seizing her left hand with both of his and lifting it tohis lips. Zara didn’t pull away.

Damn her. Damn me. Fuck.

“I’d wanted to kiss you for fucking ages.”The confession blurted itself past his lips. Zara’s eyes flared,and her jaw fell. “When you came in to talk to me that night, Ithought you’d decided to push my buttons again. I didn’t know whatI’d do but I damn sure wanted to kiss you again.” Her lips parted,and he waited but she didn’t say anything else, so he continued.“And then, when you explained … I couldn’t do anything else, Z. Ihadto take it to your dad. If I’d known what that choicewould cost, I’d still—”

“Have to make the grade, right?”

“Have to make sure you were safe.” Heswallowed. “I should’ve just killed Ben. Kept your secret andkilled him. I’m sorry for that.”

Her silky fingertips touched his lips.“Don’t. I think you mean it, and I don’t want you to kill anyonefor me.” He couldn’t remember what they’d been talking about. Allhis thoughts zeroed in on her hand, the tingling warmth her touchleft behind, and why wasn’t he already touching her lips?

“Zara, I’d kill anyone for you.” Hetightened his hold. He’d gone this far into Hell, might as wellfinish the trip. “Haven’t you noticed?”

“No.” Her expression softened. “But, hey, Iwanted you to kiss me since I was twelve, and you never noticed.I’d say we’re even.”

Fuck, that hurts.And looking atZara, with so much emotion shining in her impossible eyes, Danecouldn’t stop the bleeding in his heart any more than he could undothe last four years. “Do you know what your father would do if hefound out?”

“Do you seriously think I’d care what hethought?” Her voice caught as more tears welled up in her eyes, andshe shook her head sharply.

“I mean it, Z. You think he’d ever approveof you being with a grunt?”

“You aren’t…”

“Compared to the associates hewouldapprove of? I fucking am.”

“Is that why what I wanted didn’t matter?Not even to you?” One single tear rolled down her cheek and drove aknife into his soul.

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