Page 55 of We're One

I let out a sigh. “Sia left three days ago. She finished the job and now she’s barely been responding to my texts. She won’t talk about the future, and I’ve done all I can to assure her that she matters to me. I want to make this work, but she won’t even discuss it. I’ve asked her to move in with me. I don’t know what else I can do. I’m worried I did something wrong, but I can’t figure out what it could be.” He listens the whole time I’m puking all of this out to him. Would I have been as understanding if the situation were reversed?

“Well, my first piece of advice is to grovel,” he says, still somewhat serious, but with a little humor in his voice too.

“What do I need to grovel about?” I feel more frustrated than I was two minutes ago. Maybe calling either of my brothers isn’t the best idea.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s impossible for us to understand the female mind. How can we understand them when they don’t even understand themselves most of the time?”

“You’re not helping. If you aren’t going to take this seriously, I’ll call Callan. Hell, I should probably call Sasha or Courtney.”

“That isn’t the worst idea ever.” He lets out a sigh. “However, when I know Courtney’s upset, I get flowers, gifts, chocolate, anything I think she might like. I don’t know why it works, but if you show up with a big bouquet, decadent chocolates, and pretty sparkly jewelry, that usually is a cure-all.”

“That’s all I need to do?” I’m confused.

“Not necessarily, but that’s a beginning. Sometimes women simply won’t tell us what’s happening. Sometimes, it takes them a week, and sometimes it has nothing to do with us. It’s never the same. Each situation is different. That’s what makes it so hard.”

“Being a man is so much easier. Get in an argument, punch it out, then have a beer together. It’s far less messy.”

“I can’t argue with that,” he says with a chuckle.

“I don’t want to make things worse. I’ve given her space like she’s asked for.” I pause for a moment. “What if she’s done with me? What if this is her way of getting revenge for leaving her nine years ago?”

This time Blaze pauses. He’s thinking about his answer. I appreciate it. He knows I’m serious. I wait. I’m not sure what else to add to this.

“I’ve seen the way she looks at you, Zach. I don’t think she’s done at all. I think she might be scared. Adult relationships are tough. We don’t realize how much breakups will hurt when we’re young. The older we get, we know how hard it is to get attached to someone and then lose them. I think the older we get, the more likely we are to lose a loved one to death. We can’t comprehend that kind of loss as a child when we feel immortal.”

“I guess being in love and losing a person is both like a death,” I say after a minute.

“I think so. If I lost Courtney, it would kill me. A relationship ending is experiencing a true loss. We’re getting too deep here, though. She might only need a few days. You won’t know if you don’t talk to her.”

“I appreciate it, Blaze. I’m on my way to her place, but I’ll make a little detour first for some gifts.” He chuckles. I do feel a bit better. I should know by now that my brothers will always come through for me.

We chat for a few more minutes, and then I hang up, feeling a bit more confident. It’s such an odd feeling to be this unsure in a relationship. Hell, it’s odd to be in a relationship. I’ve had so many one-night stands in my life, and I now realize how empty those were.

Not only is it impossible to learn a woman’s body in one night, but there’s something about being fully comfortable with a woman that makes the lovemaking so much better. It makes life in general better. Why did it take me so dang long to realize this?

I pull up to the Anderson Mall and park. I can get all I want in one stop. It doesn’t take me long to get inside, but as I look around the huge store, I’m utterly lost. I don’t shop too often. Since online shopping has come into being, I haven’t touched a mall. I’m not complaining, but I like to get in and out of stores as quickly as possible. This leaves me at a supreme disadvantage though because I don’t know what to buy.

I must look like a lost puppy because a salesclerk approaches me with a friendly smile. Dammit! I should’ve brought Honey with me. Sia wouldn’t dare turn me away if I had the dog. She’s completely bonded to the clumsy little thing. Man has she grown in the past month. She follows Sia around and always curls up by her. I might think she’s my dog, but she’s far more Sia’s. It’s okay though, because we’re going to stay together and we can share Honey.

“Can I help you, sir?” I shake off my thoughts.

“Yes, I need some advice. I’m looking for some gifts for my girlfriend. She hasn’t been feeling well and I want to make her smile. I need flowers and chocolates and something more,” I say in a rush of words.

“I’d love to help you. I’m Sammy. Flowers and chocolates are great. When you say something else, are you looking more for cute little stuffed animals, or something that sparkles?” she asks as she holds up her hand and lets me see her shiny bracelet.

“Something that sparkles for sure.” I smile.

“I can certainly help you with all of that. Follow me.”

We walk over to a circular area where huge displays showcase endless amounts of jewelry. I’ve given jewelry to women before, but to be honest I’ve never picked it out. I’ve always had my assistant get things for me. I want this to be from me, though. Sure, I’m getting help, but I’m here buying it. This is definitely personal.

Sammy points out several beautiful sets, but nothing catches my eyes. I keep moving, waiting for something to jump out at me . . . and then stop when I see engagement rings. I can’t get an engagement ring, I assure myself. She’d probably run screaming to the hills. She doesn’t even want to talk about the future, let alone talk marriage. If I show up with flowers, chocolates, and a diamond ring, she might never speak to me again.

“Are you thinking of proposing?” Sammy asks, her eyes sparkling. “There’s nothing I love more than helping someone pick out the perfect ring.”

“It’s far too soon to get a ring,” I tell her, but I can’t seem to pull myself away. I look down at the dazzling display, unable to slow my racing heart. What if I did buy one? I don’t have to give it to her now, but I could have it for when the time is right. This thought has me spinning. Have I decided there will be a right time? I haven’t even told her I love her.

With this self-revelation, I realize I might actually love her. I’ve never felt love for a woman before. I’ve never been even close to telling a woman those three little words that mean so much. But as I stand here, I’m not afraid to think of Sia and love in the same sentence. I do want to spend my life with her. This isn’t a phase; it isn’t going to change.

---