Page 34 of Love In The Shadows

The room was still dark when my eyes opened again. I looked at the bedside table closest to me, seeing if there was a clock. When I didn’t see one, I rolled to my back and spotted Bennett lying on the opposite side of the bed, halfway propped up against a stack of pillows. He smiled softly when I met his eyes.

“How long was I out?” I asked.

“About an hour.”

I nodded. It had to be nearing dawn. It felt like the room was closing in. By the time the sun came up, I’d have to decide what I would do next. Was I going to leave the city and trust that Bennett would know what was best? Or did I go to work like nothing was wrong and take my chances?

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said, answering my silent question.

“Mmm. I should probably go…”

“Go?”

I pushed up, wrapping the sheet around me. “Back home. I can’t stay here all day. I have things to…decide.”

Bennett groaned and dragged his hand over his jaw. “There’s nothing to decide, Tor. You need to get out of this city. I thought we already went over this.”

“I know you think I should leave, but I don’t know where to go. So what do you expect me to do? Pick a spot on a map and buy a plane ticket?”

Bennett stared at me for a long moment, then looked away, his jaw tense. “I think you need to call your handler.”

My mouth dropped open. “What? Why?”

“I was thinking about it while you slept. It’s the only solution that makes sense. They can set you up with a house or an apartment. I could talk to them for you, see if my badge can get a little sway so you don’t end up in a podunk place like last time.”

“You’re unbelievable. You know that?” I jumped from the bed, violently flinging the covers free from my arm. My palm slammed the switch for the bedside lamp, and the room filled with light. I grabbed my clothes from the night before, ignoring the pang in my chest. The tears would have to wait. I wasn’t going to break down in front of Bennett again. I put my bra on and then stepped into my skirt.

“If you didn’t want to be with me, then you should have just said that. But this—” I zipped up my skirt before spinning around to face him. “This is disgusting. You say all these sweet things about how you’re going to protect and take care of me and make me think that we will be together. Then, conveniently, after you fuck me all night long, you drop all that and tell me to call WITSEC.”

“Tori, come on?—”

“No!” I raised my finger at him. “I’m not listening to another word. You’re a liar and a user. You’ve obviously gotten so twisted up in this whole Eric bullshit that you don’t even remember who you are. The Bennett I knew—the Bennett that I loved—would never push me off onto someone else. So why don’t you man the fuck up and protect me? Is that so hard?”

“Tori, lower your fucking voice,” he growled, flashing a look around to the four walls encompassing us, as though reminding me that we were in a hotel room and most sane people were still sleeping.

Like I cared. My whole world had been flipped upside down—for the dozenth time—and I no longer had the capacity to care that my ranting might disturb some stranger in the next room.

“I never said I didn’t want to be with you. But if you’re lying in a morgue somewhere—or worse—that’s gonna be pretty fuckin’ difficult to do,” he hissed. “I’m trying to do the right thing, and right now, that means getting you to safety. And don’t fuckin’ lecture me about lying. Last night you said you trusted me, and now that the plan doesn’t look the way you want, you’re taking all of that back.”

I crossed my arms, holding myself tightly. My fingernails pressed into the skin under my bra band, and I dug them in deeper to keep myself from crying. The pain distracted me and made it possible to keep my mask of rage and fury in place a moment longer.

“Damn it, Bennett! How can I trust you when you’re abandoning me? Throwing me aside. Making me someone else’s problem.”

Bennett stood from the bed and started toward me. I backed up, stepping out of his reach. “Tor, please, let me hold you.”

“No! You’re just going to try and confuse me.”

He dragged in a heavy sigh. “Okay. I can’t leave the city right now. I’m deep undercover. If I leave now, I might as well hand in my badge and gun. I could give you money for a plane ticket to wherever you wanted to go, but then I’d be here, losing my shit, wondering if I’d made the right call. I can’t be there to protect you right now. Without a handler or any other resources, I don’t know that Richie or any of the other family members couldn’t get to you.”

He ran his hand down his scruff again. I noticed the bags under his eyes and how the subtle lines around his eyes looked more profound than usual. Exhaustion and stress were literally etched in his face. My heart twisted and ached at the thought that he was falling apart worrying about me. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had ever worried about me like that. When was the last time someone had stayed awake, watching me sleep? Had anyone ever done that?

“If something happened to you, I’d never forgive myself. It would haunt me for the rest of my life. I know you don’t want to go back underground and deal with the shit—I don’t blame you—but I don’t see another solution right now.”

I tore my eyes from his. “I could stay here with you. If I don’t go back to the club, then Richie will never be able to find out who I am, and even if he did—I’d be here, safe with you.”

It was a long shot. I knew Bennett would say no before he even thought about it.

“You have no idea how much I would love that. I want to be with you, baby. But this place isn’t safe either. Richie knows I’m staying at this hotel. I spotted one of his guys, Jake, following me the night after our big meeting. He’s keeping close tabs on me. It was probably stupid for me to even bring you here, but I’m hoping he thinks you’re here because we met at the club.”

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