Page 69 of Last Boy

He turns out of the parking lot and reaches over, putting his hand on mine. “Hey, you all right?”

Glancing at him, I give him a weak, half-assed smile. “Yeah. I’m…I’m good.”

“If you don’t feel up to going to Sunset Drive today, we can pick another day,” he says, looking at me with pure understanding in his eyes.

What other day? I want to scream out. This is one of the last days we’ll be together. And this is something he and I need to do. Without him, I don’t think I could get through it.

For weeks, I’ve known that I need to go to the trailer and get Van’s belongings out of there, in case, for some stupid reason, Ron gets let out of prison early. Because the second he returns to Sunset Drive, I’ll never step foot on that street again for as long as I live.

It’s now or never.

“Today is fine,” my voice barely squeaks as I make a pathetic attempt to sound okay. “Let’s just go get it over with.”

He eyes me over suspiciously, and I know that he can read my every thought. He knows that I’m dreading going back to that place. But he also knows that if I don’t, I’ll never forgive myself.

And eventually, he nods. “All right.”

Walker

I sit on the worn, definitely-not-safe steps, happy as fuck I’m up to date on my tetanus shots, looking out at the street as I wait for Poppy. I didn’t want her to go inside alone, but how can a street hold so many good memories and so many bad ones at the same time? Sunset Drive is where I made my first friend. Learned to ride a bike. Threw a football for hours on end with Jake. Lit off firecrackers with Van while Poppy stood on the steps, shaking her head at us with that annoyed yet amused look on her beautiful face.

It’s also where I knew, with every single cell in my body, that I loved Poppy Wilson more than I would ever love another human being because we both had this darkness inside of us. Something that could only come from growing up the way that we did. We just got each other. We still do.

I know that the more time we spend together before we say our good-byes, the harder it’ll be to leave. But I don’t have a choice. Not as far as I can see anyway. My uncle is a ruthless man. Once he sets his sights on something, there’s no going back. And right now, his sights are set on me getting married to Gia Romano. A girl I’ve literally met twice at parties that Beckett hosted during my senior year of high school.

And, yeah, I got way too drunk, and we hooked up. But it’s not like I can tell Poppy that. The girl fucking waited for me, never so much as kissing another man. Well, besides Cade. But I’m sure as hell not going to think about that fucking shit right now. Pisses me off too much.

But aside from Huff, she waited. All while I did the opposite. I tried to drown my sorrows in meaningless sex, pretending each girl was her.

It’s one thing for Poppy to know I’ve been with other women. It’s another for her to find out I’m marrying a girl I’ve been with in that way. But it didn’t mean anything. In fact, after it was over, I couldn’t get away from her fast enough.

She’s the opposite of Poppy. And that’s why I can’t stand her.

The door creaks open, and I turn my head to see Poppy before she takes a seat next to me and sets the cardboard box of random things on the ground.

Her head rests against my shoulder as we sit in silence. The light breeze rushes through the trees, making the leaves dance on their limbs.

I gaze up, not seeing this shithole the way I used to. When everything looked dirty and abandoned, I resented everything about it—even the pavement. We’d all talk about how, one day, we’d get out. I guess we all did in some way or another.

Now, I just want to go back. Back to a time when Poppy looked at me like I’d hung the entire fucking galaxy. Or when Van hadn’t taken his first hit of heroin and he had dreams of getting out of here. Jake had both siblings alive and healthy. And most of all, to a time when, in my heart, I thought I’d end up with Poppy. The NHL isn’t far away now. LaConte has gotten multiple calls from teams interested in me. I have all the money I could dream of, and I no longer live on a street where no one is safe.

Yet I feel like I’ve lost everything. And she’s not even gone yet.

Loving and letting her go is like a Band-Aid that’s sitting on a wound. You know it’s better to just rip it off and get it the hell over with, but it’s the hardest fucking thing I’ll ever have to do. And that says a lot because we both went through a lot of shit during our childhood on Sunset Drive. A place where we learned about life, loss, and pain. And even heartbreak. It sucked, and it didn’t make for the easiest life. But it made us who we are today, in this moment.

She’s strong. She’s so fucking strong. And to be honest, I know she’ll be fine without me. But I can’t say the same for me. Because those years without her, I was so fucking lost. And since that night that her brother died and she let me back in, I am finally starting to feel like everything makes sense. Even as fucked up as that sounds because Van died. I’d give anything to change that, but the fact is, that terrible, fucking awful moment in time brought us back together. And now, we’re about to get ripped apart again.

And I can’t stomach it. But I also don’t know what to do. My uncle is not above getting those two thugs out of jail and having them go after her again if I don’t play my part in his game.

The way I see it, either way, I can’t win. But if one of the options keeps her safe and the other doesn’t? Come hell or high water, I’ll always throw myself in front of a bullet for her.

Finally, she sighs, keeping her head against my shoulder. “I can’t say I’ll miss this street, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it as far as me and you. You know?”

Of course, I know what she means. I wouldn’t change anything either. Because as shitty as the circumstances were, it brought us together.

I don’t think I could love anyone who had never known the pain she and I have felt. Because of that pain…I know how tough and resilient she is. And that’s what makes me love her as fiercely as I do.

“There will always be you, and there will be me. But without this street, there would be no you and me. So, as much as I’d like to…I can’t hate this place,” I mutter softly. “I can’t hate anything that led me to you.”

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