Page 54 of The Best Friend and the Shortstop

“No!” she shouts. I turn my speaker volume down because it crackles.

I sigh, but not in a negative way. It feels good to tell her. Good to be with Nik.

“Yes, you and Auntie Julianne can gloat all you want. We maybe kissed, and have been hanging out.” My mom’s not stupid, but I sure as hell am not giving her details.

“I knew it! I knew this day would come. And I knew it would be soon.”

“Yeah, okay. Well, before I end something before it really starts, I need your help. I maybe, sort of, kinda . . . fucked up.”

“Alex.” She says my name sternly. Probably both because of my language and because I did, well, fuck up.

“I know. Sorry. I just . . . I’ve been under some stress, and baseball season is always full of pressure, and then Dad showed up today. I kind of took that out on Nikki.” I hold my breath and wait for her to give me the magic advice she always does. But the longer the silence goes on, the more my stomach hurts.

“Mom?” Is she still there?

“I’m here. I don’t know what to tell you. You love her. You go tell her you’re sorry, and then you put in the work.”

“Yeah, I’ve always loved her. I get that. But now it’s different,” I try to explain, but she cuts me off.

“No, no. You aren’t hearing me. Yeah, you’ve loved her. But now you realize you are in love with her. And Alex, you’ve been in love with her for a lot longer than you know. And she’s been in love with you right back.”

Shit. Has she? Have I? I definitely have.

“You thought you were in love with Dad,” I say before my personal gatekeeping kicks in. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that like that.”

“No, you’re right. And I still love your dad. But I’m no longer in love. And really, we are both to blame. Him more, of course.”

I laugh with her.

“When you are so close to someone that you share air, space, time, dreams, plans—children—it is not always smooth sailing. You can’t both always have good days. You’ll be out of sync. And you’ll lash out. And you’ll be right, and you’ll be wrong. But at the end of the day, you find each other, and you say the words that mean the most. You get the ugly stuff out of your system and remind each other that you love one another. Somewhere along the way, your dad quit coming in at the end of the day to talk it out. He quit reminding me. And I willingly forgot. And then?—”

She likely made some gesture just now, waving a hand off in the wind I imagine.

“Okay, so I should probably find Nik is what you’re saying.” I pull into the driveway and let the car idle.

“You know the answer to that,” she says.

I breathe out a short laugh.

“Yeah, I do. Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too. And make sure you two come home for break. They’re having a big sale at the outlet.”

That fucking bread outlet. I laugh to myself as I back out of the driveway. I pause in the middle of the street and press call on Nikki’s contact info. It goes right to voicemail so I dial again. The same result. She’s really pissed.

I head to her place and talk out a quick text on my way.

ME: I’m so sorry. I’m coming over. Let’s talk.

First, we’ll talk about us. I’m going to tell her exactly how I feel, how terrified I am that we’ll turn into my parents, and how hard I’m going to work to never let that happen. Then I want her to tell me about why she talked to my dad. I know it wasn’t to be cruel. And maybe he does really give a damn. I’m sure he loves me. It’s just so hard to get past what he did, and I’m not quite ready to listen to him. Maybe, though, maybe I can listen to her.

And then when I’m done, I’m going to urge her to tell me on her own about her hearing. And if she can’t or won’t, I’m going to make sure she knows that whatever is going on in her life, she doesn’t face it alone. She has me. Always.

I’m never going anywhere.

I pull into the dorm lot and shift into park just as my phone buzzes. My heart is pounding with nerves and adrenaline, and I almost call her rather than read the text she just sent. But then I catch the name.

Brayden.

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