Page 59 of The Best Friend and the Shortstop

Her eyes scrunch up and she smiles.

“I know we said we love each other, but Alex, I mean it. I love you. I’ve loved you for years. You can ask Omar.”

My eyes widen.

“Wow, Omar knew before me?”

She narrows her eyes and puckers her lips.

“You knew.”

I shrug slightly. Maybe I did. But I didn’t let myself really believe it. I kept it at arm’s length. Safe. Or so I thought. Nothing was safe about that, though. It was more like torture. Think of what we’ve missed.

“I love you too, Nikki. And not in the rushed, horny, college guy who wants to fuck way.”

“Mmm, romantic, Alex.”

I laugh softly and continue stroking her hair.

“I’m bad with words sometimes. I just mean, I didn’t say all that in the bar for show. I said it for you. To you. Because it’s you, Nik. It’s you and me. And how lucky am I?” I lean in and kiss my favorite lip again, holding on to it, letting my tongue glide across it as she hums against me.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I say.

“Me neither,” she adds.

An incredible sense of peace fills my body. My pulse settles into this rhythm, my lungs clear and full. I believe it. I believe in us.

I hold her gaze for almost a minute. It’s a nice quiet. Comfortable, like looking out upon calm waters.

She blinks slowly and takes a deep breath.

“I have something wrong with my ear,” she says.

I don’t stop my hand movement. I keep running it through her hair while I think. I could let her go through the story and tell me from the beginning, or I could save her from that. At the very least.

“I know,” I admit.

She sucks in her lips, and I decide that just this once, she can keep that upper lip and hold on to it for a moment.

“You saw?” Her eyes glance up, toward her desk.

I nod.

“I’m scared.”

I nod slowly.

“I know,” I say again.

Her timer sounds from her phone and she sits up, tipping her head the other way and pushing a small ball of cotton into her ear. She leaves it in place and folds her legs to sit up. I prop my head on my elbow.

“Have you called the surgeon yet, just to talk? It might help to actually talk to the expert and get your questions answered.”

“I haven’t,” she admits. “And I need to get the CT scan.”

I know she knows the reasons she should, but also, I get being afraid to know too much. I was afraid I tore my labrum in high school, so I put off telling anyone for days. It ended up being all right, and I spent two weeks feeling sick and terrified for no reason.

This isn’t quite the same. Nikki already knows she has a neuroma. She already has some hearing loss. But maybe finding out what’s available after diagnosis will help ease her fears.

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